The great debate will always continue. How much sex is enough and how much is not enough? We can argue this point until the cows come home. Here is my take the amount of sex you have should be a compromise between the two of you. If you want it every night and your partner only wants it once a month then it is your jobs to find a happy medium. Maybe it won't work out perfectly but you have to keep trying to have a solid relationship. First of all sex is good for both of you and should be look at like a vitamin. It actually has some of the properties of a vitamin. It releases chemicals into your body that promotes relaxation and decreases stress. It also makes you closer to your partner. I hear the rumblings now, and yes there is a lot more to a relationship then just having sex. However sex is part of the equation and just like any math you have to have all the variables to make the problem come out right.
Now say one partner doesn't want sex as much as the other. That doesn't mean they can't work something out to make both of them happy. Sending someone away to masturbate is not the answer that only builds up a wall. If masturbation would help your situation it should be done together, even if only one person is getting the satisfaction. If you choice is you don't want to then you shouldn't deprive your partner. Let them do it in front of you, or help them being part of their sexual activity is important. Even if it's not the normal form of sex you still need to make sure your partner is happy in this respect.
Now on the other hand you can't expect your partner to be at your beck and call. You have to give them space. You also have to show a little control, most people are not addicted to sex but there are those that are. Understand that you to have to give in to your partner also. So that means sometimes you don't get to have the sex you want. Deal with it, as we mentioned above sex is not the only variable in the relationship equation. Explore some of the other facets of your life and do something fun together.
My opinion is that every third day you should have sex. This gives you time to build up and get excited over it and also allows the partner that doesn't need it as much to relax and not worry about it. Keep a calendar, the partner that wants sex more will be a little more relaxed themselves if they know tomorrow they get to make love to you. This may sound silly but several of the top names say you should schedule your sex. Dr. Laura Berman is a big advocate of this. For those excited to have sex it gets them focused on that day and they others they can enjoy without the concern or wondering. As for the partner that doesn't want sex as much it also allows them to enjoy the other two days getting what they want. After all isn't a relationship give and take, sharing, and commitment?
I have attached a link in the title of this post that will take you to a blog that is a little on the controversial side to me. However I feel it is good to see several sides of this issue, even the religious one. This Reverend has some really good points and some not so good ones so take it with a grain of salt. Pick out some things from this post and use them and throw out the ones you believe to be bulls***.
Here is my formula for creating the best sex life within a relationship. Both of you write down the number of times a week you would like to have sex. Zero is not an acceptable answer. then add the two numbers together and divide by 2 this is the number of times you should have sex a week. Now be realistic don't say you want to sex 15 times a week. Here is another rule if anyone says over 5 times a week they are disqualified and you go with the other number. A good example would be: Partner A says 4 times a week and Partner B says 1 time a week. So with the formula we get 2.5 times a week. Do not drop the decimal or would up. What we do in this case is we make love 5 times every two weeks. 3 times one week and 2 times the other.
Now this has to be a commitment. Both partners have to agree and their should be penalties in place if either partner breaks the rules. If partner A tries to get sex more then the number agreed upon then they should lose on sexual encounter the next week. Following suit if partner b decides that they are only going to do it one time this week then an extra time will be added the following week. Again keep a calendar a visual representation will help keep both of you focused. If a problem does arise that isn't either of your faults then concessions should be made and you should schedule a make up date. That sounded really like a baseball thing.
In closing take the sexual frequency debate out of the relationship. Know when you are going to have sex and pay the consequences if you don't follow through. Once you get these area out of your problem box think about how much time you will have to enjoy other things in your relationship? Please send me your feelings on this subject and how you deal with this problem I would love to hear how others cope and deal with it.
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