How to Not Lose Touch With Your Lover

It is so easy to lose touch with your beloved partner.  In these modern times, it has become easier and easier to tune in to the television, your computer, your phone or your iPad.  This means you are tuning out from your sweetheart and your intimate relationship.  It may not seem so at first, but eventually, even being turned on by your lover will wane and become second to today’s media and digital gadgets and other things you fill your life with.  It is vital to stay tuned in to your relationship and to your partner so that you stay turned on by them too!  Only then can you work towards experiencing a long-lasting committed relationship filled with love and trust.   

Relationships are actually spiritual paths for each of us.  Your romantic intimate relationship is the most profound of all.  It will offer you a mirror for your deepest emotions, expressions, neurotic patterns (we ALL have them), love, compassion, and humor to be reflected back to you in some fashion.  

So, how can you reignite intimacy and sensual pleasure in your relationship?  And, if you still have it, how can you take it to the next level?

A Quick Note About Sensuality vs. Sexuality

More often than not if someone says to you, “That was a sensual delight.”  Your mind will instantly think “sex”.  But, sensual pleasure is really about gratifying the senses – all of them – not just the five physical ones.  You don’t have to involve physical lovemaking to experience your sensuality.

Delighting in the sight of your lover, hearing his/her laugh, smelling a special cologne, holding hands or
sharing a massage, or tasting his/her lips are sensual experiences.  Connecting to your own soul, your lover’s soul, and your spirituality is also very sensual. 

Know YOU – Get Connected to Your Own Soul

Getting in touch with yourself, with your soul is the first step in reigniting or upleveling your intimate and sensual pleasure in life and in your relationship.  If you aren’t aware of your spirituality, simply focus on getting in touch with YOU.  Whatever or whoever you are to you. 

The easiest and quickest way to reconnect with your soul is by first recognizing those things in your life that simply light you up inside.  They feel like they are the wind in your sails.  These things can be anything: drumming; singing; teaching; hiking; swimming; dancing; laughing; making love; cooking; gardening; cycling; etc.  There is no right or wrong.  Only you have the answer to what makes you feel this way.  The second step is to make sure you have some of these unique-to-you things in your life daily, weekly, monthly.  Bring them in to your life as often as you can.

You will be happier and this happiness will feed into your relationship.  Share these joys with your lover.

Know Your Sweetheart – Connect to His/Her Soul

This will take your relationship to a deeper level.  Once you (re)connect with your soul – yourself, it is vital that you connect with your sweetheart in a similar way.  What makes him/her light up?  How can you support that and bring more of that into your lives?  If both of you do this and then share it together, you will discover a beautiful aspect of your relationship that you may not have been aware of before.   

Communicate

Communication is key to every single aspect of your relationship.  Yet, not everyone communicates in the same way.  You may be able to talk about your joys, your sorrows, what happened at work today, what the dog did to irritate you, what your best friend posted on your Facebook wall and what is upsetting you in your relationship.  But, your lover may not be able to easily talk about these things.  We can express our feelings through ways other than verbal communication.  It may come through singing, painting, or drawing.  Of course, one of the biggest ways to communicate is through body language.  Be fully present and truly pay attention to your lover.  Listen – deeply – to what he/she may say.  Observe his/her actions or reactions.  There are clues and often, clear messages even if the two of you communicate very differently.

Share Laughter and Play Together      

Don’t take life or yourself too seriously.  Yes, of course, there are very serious aspects, but letting go and goofing around, laughing and being playful is a huge key to happiness and feeling joyful.  This will deepen the closeness between the two of you, which will ultimately help you enhance your sensuality overall. 

Laugh at the dinner table.  Laugh while brushing your teeth.  Laugh throughout your day anywhere and everywhere that you can.  And, for God’s sake, laugh in the bedroom!

Share inside jokes with each other.  Maybe they will relate to a funny bedroom experience or something completely different, but they will be your little secret.  People will envy your closeness.  Allow yourselves to be like two young lovebirds giggling and whispering.

Sharing more laughter with each other and deepening your intimate bond will open a doorway for the two of you to experience powerful, playful passion all day long.  You will be able to feel it pretty much everyday.  Draw upon it when something gets you down or something causes you stress. 

Continue to Learn and Grow Together

Continually seek new things to learn.  You can take classes together or pick up a new hobby together.  Yet, be bold enough to have new experiences individually, too.  By honoring and respecting your lover’s individuality you are helping the two of you grow.  You need to honor and respect YOU, your lover, and your relationship.  You are teammates, but you don’t need to stay attached at the hip all the time either. 

Step outside your comfort zone.  Oh boy, this is a big one!  You can’t grow and sustain a beautiful relationship if you refuse to step outside of your comfort zone.  If you allow fear (fear of failing, fear of rejection, fear of looking like an idiot, fear of???) to keep you within in the boundaries of what you know already, then you prevent yourself from the potentiality of amazing new experiences and from continued growth.  Staying in your comfort zone without learning to step outside of it (even just a tiny baby step) will cause your life to become stagnate.  Hmmm…what will that do your relationship? 

Imagine a beautiful flowing stream always moving and changing when the need arises.  Hear the gentle trickle and smell the fresh air. Now imagine a stagnant pool of water with debris piled up in it.  No pleasant sounds of moving water and a nasty stench to boot.  Would you prefer to continue gently flowing into the unknown or stay stagnate and backed-up? 

Put It All Together

Get in touch with you.  Truly know your own soul.  Dive deep into whom your partner/lover/spouse is and whom he/she becomes as you continue your path together.  Communicate on numerous levels.  Talk to your lover, but be aware of your other forms of communication – body language, eye contact, and much more.  Be playful and bring more laughter into your lives.  Intentionally and willingly step outside of your comfort zone so that you continue to learn and experience new things. 

These are simple ways to not only reignite your passion for your relationship, but for your life.  When passion and deep intimacy is sustained in your romantic relationship, your relationship will be stronger and more beautiful than you may ever have imagined. 

Dr. Janelle Alex, Ph.D. - Spiritual Teacher

Rob Alex, M.Sc. - Author or Sexy Challenges/Sacred Sensual Teacher

Copyright 2013