How to Not Lose Touch With Your Lover

It is so easy to lose touch with your beloved partner.  In these modern times, it has become easier and easier to tune in to the television, your computer, your phone or your iPad.  This means you are tuning out from your sweetheart and your intimate relationship.  It may not seem so at first, but eventually, even being turned on by your lover will wane and become second to today’s media and digital gadgets and other things you fill your life with.  It is vital to stay tuned in to your relationship and to your partner so that you stay turned on by them too!  Only then can you work towards experiencing a long-lasting committed relationship filled with love and trust.   

Relationships are actually spiritual paths for each of us.  Your romantic intimate relationship is the most profound of all.  It will offer you a mirror for your deepest emotions, expressions, neurotic patterns (we ALL have them), love, compassion, and humor to be reflected back to you in some fashion.  

So, how can you reignite intimacy and sensual pleasure in your relationship?  And, if you still have it, how can you take it to the next level?

A Quick Note About Sensuality vs. Sexuality

More often than not if someone says to you, “That was a sensual delight.”  Your mind will instantly think “sex”.  But, sensual pleasure is really about gratifying the senses – all of them – not just the five physical ones.  You don’t have to involve physical lovemaking to experience your sensuality.

Delighting in the sight of your lover, hearing his/her laugh, smelling a special cologne, holding hands or
sharing a massage, or tasting his/her lips are sensual experiences.  Connecting to your own soul, your lover’s soul, and your spirituality is also very sensual. 

Know YOU – Get Connected to Your Own Soul

Getting in touch with yourself, with your soul is the first step in reigniting or upleveling your intimate and sensual pleasure in life and in your relationship.  If you aren’t aware of your spirituality, simply focus on getting in touch with YOU.  Whatever or whoever you are to you. 

The easiest and quickest way to reconnect with your soul is by first recognizing those things in your life that simply light you up inside.  They feel like they are the wind in your sails.  These things can be anything: drumming; singing; teaching; hiking; swimming; dancing; laughing; making love; cooking; gardening; cycling; etc.  There is no right or wrong.  Only you have the answer to what makes you feel this way.  The second step is to make sure you have some of these unique-to-you things in your life daily, weekly, monthly.  Bring them in to your life as often as you can.

You will be happier and this happiness will feed into your relationship.  Share these joys with your lover.

Know Your Sweetheart – Connect to His/Her Soul

This will take your relationship to a deeper level.  Once you (re)connect with your soul – yourself, it is vital that you connect with your sweetheart in a similar way.  What makes him/her light up?  How can you support that and bring more of that into your lives?  If both of you do this and then share it together, you will discover a beautiful aspect of your relationship that you may not have been aware of before.   

Communicate

Communication is key to every single aspect of your relationship.  Yet, not everyone communicates in the same way.  You may be able to talk about your joys, your sorrows, what happened at work today, what the dog did to irritate you, what your best friend posted on your Facebook wall and what is upsetting you in your relationship.  But, your lover may not be able to easily talk about these things.  We can express our feelings through ways other than verbal communication.  It may come through singing, painting, or drawing.  Of course, one of the biggest ways to communicate is through body language.  Be fully present and truly pay attention to your lover.  Listen – deeply – to what he/she may say.  Observe his/her actions or reactions.  There are clues and often, clear messages even if the two of you communicate very differently.

Share Laughter and Play Together      

Don’t take life or yourself too seriously.  Yes, of course, there are very serious aspects, but letting go and goofing around, laughing and being playful is a huge key to happiness and feeling joyful.  This will deepen the closeness between the two of you, which will ultimately help you enhance your sensuality overall. 

Laugh at the dinner table.  Laugh while brushing your teeth.  Laugh throughout your day anywhere and everywhere that you can.  And, for God’s sake, laugh in the bedroom!

Share inside jokes with each other.  Maybe they will relate to a funny bedroom experience or something completely different, but they will be your little secret.  People will envy your closeness.  Allow yourselves to be like two young lovebirds giggling and whispering.

Sharing more laughter with each other and deepening your intimate bond will open a doorway for the two of you to experience powerful, playful passion all day long.  You will be able to feel it pretty much everyday.  Draw upon it when something gets you down or something causes you stress. 

Continue to Learn and Grow Together

Continually seek new things to learn.  You can take classes together or pick up a new hobby together.  Yet, be bold enough to have new experiences individually, too.  By honoring and respecting your lover’s individuality you are helping the two of you grow.  You need to honor and respect YOU, your lover, and your relationship.  You are teammates, but you don’t need to stay attached at the hip all the time either. 

Step outside your comfort zone.  Oh boy, this is a big one!  You can’t grow and sustain a beautiful relationship if you refuse to step outside of your comfort zone.  If you allow fear (fear of failing, fear of rejection, fear of looking like an idiot, fear of???) to keep you within in the boundaries of what you know already, then you prevent yourself from the potentiality of amazing new experiences and from continued growth.  Staying in your comfort zone without learning to step outside of it (even just a tiny baby step) will cause your life to become stagnate.  Hmmm…what will that do your relationship? 

Imagine a beautiful flowing stream always moving and changing when the need arises.  Hear the gentle trickle and smell the fresh air. Now imagine a stagnant pool of water with debris piled up in it.  No pleasant sounds of moving water and a nasty stench to boot.  Would you prefer to continue gently flowing into the unknown or stay stagnate and backed-up? 

Put It All Together

Get in touch with you.  Truly know your own soul.  Dive deep into whom your partner/lover/spouse is and whom he/she becomes as you continue your path together.  Communicate on numerous levels.  Talk to your lover, but be aware of your other forms of communication – body language, eye contact, and much more.  Be playful and bring more laughter into your lives.  Intentionally and willingly step outside of your comfort zone so that you continue to learn and experience new things. 

These are simple ways to not only reignite your passion for your relationship, but for your life.  When passion and deep intimacy is sustained in your romantic relationship, your relationship will be stronger and more beautiful than you may ever have imagined. 

Dr. Janelle Alex, Ph.D. - Spiritual Teacher

Rob Alex, M.Sc. - Author or Sexy Challenges/Sacred Sensual Teacher

Copyright 2013

Spooning

One of the best positions to snuggle up in is the spooning position. If you haven't heard of this it is basically where one partner lays against the others back and their body positions are exactly the same. Much like out spoons fit together when stacked on top of each other, hence the name, spooning. It allows you both to touch each other and is a save and wonderful way to connect. This position is great if you are not feeling really sexual but still want to connect and hold each other. In my opinion the person in the back is the comfort person as they control the hugging. The person in the front is the receiver and gets to enjoy the warmth the comfort person provides. The front person can reciprocate the hugs by reaching back and touching the person in the back. Need less to say the closeness of the position is a wonderful way to connect and touch to show love and care for each other.

Movie night!!!!

Make tonight movie night and surprise your lover with a wonderful movie, popcorn or their favorite snack. Pull the couch in front of the television. Turn the lights off in the room and snuggle down and watch your movie. Do it after the kids go to bed and you can even have a make out session. If you want a little more excitement rent an adult movie and see what happens on the couch while watching that. The point being is you don't have to go out and spend a lot of money to get some good quality alone time. Start today and make you life richer by using things that don't cost much like our in home movie theater idea.

Hugs are not only fun they are important.

Touch is a wonderful thing that most all of us love. However it is not only an enjoyment it is a basic human need. Starting from the time we are born we crave and love touch. It tells us we are love, consoles us when we are upset and gives us a sense of desire and passion. Hugs have actually been shown to improve our lives. In the book THE ALADDIN FACTOR, it states that 4 hugs a day are needed for survival, 8 hugs a day to keep our relationship in tip top shape, and 12 hugs a day for our lives to grow and thrive. So stop being selfish with your hugs and don't stop with your partner make sure you children and family share the sensation also. Hugs are not as intimate as kisses so you can give them to friends and even strangers without fear of being weird. Everyone benefits from hugs so spread the hugs around and make sure to get your share.

Keep your Fingernail and Toenails neat and clean.

You hear it so often that after marriage that people start to slip in keeping up their appearance. They fish is caught so why keep using bait is the wrong philosophy to use. One area that you might not think about that often is your fingernails and toenails. There is no bigger turn of then having overgrown and dirty fingernails or toenails. The desire to be touched will be suppressed if the hands that are touching you have dirt under the nails and are jagged and scratchy. Yet this problem can be avoided when you simply sit down to watch television. Keep your nails trimmed neat and make sure to clean out from under them after you come home from work. After you take a shower is the best time to fix your nails as they are softer and easier to work with. Don't think your toes are unimportant either you feet touch in bed all the time and you don't want your partner to think they are sleeping with Freddy Kruger. Not only does neat and trimmed fingernails and toenails help in appearance but it will help in your sex life also. Neat trimmed nails are a plus as you explore you sexuality and your partners. You defiantly don't want to scratch or cut your partner during these times. Ladies paint your nails also it adds a great visual for your man as you touch and please him. Again keeping your nails up isn't a hard chore, but not doing it can find your partner shying away from your touch and that my friend is not a good thing.

How close can you get.

Here is a little exercise that is fun and exciting and will leave you yearning for more. Several times during the day see how close you can get your lips to each others without touching. Get close enough to feel the heat coming off of them but resist the urge to kiss. Stay in this position for a few seconds and see how passionate being that close can be. Feel your partners breath, sense their energy and soak in their aura. Make sure to start deep into each others eyes to get the maximum out of your closeness. I get shivers down my back being that close without touching. The desire to touch will be strong but use the force or whatever means you can to resist. Finally at the end of the night have a make out session. With deep passionate kissing and release all the feeling of being so close to each other you could almost taste it.

Don't feel like sex, then be a fan.

You know not all the times do our libidos match up. Sometimes one of us is in the mood while the other isn't. It is not wrong if you don't want to have sex and your partner does. In the same way it is not wrong to want sex if you partner doesn't. Well what can you do to keep you both happy. If you are the person that doesn't want to have sex at this time, encourage them to masturbate in front of you so you can watch. This might sound a little unusual but it is a way for you to both get what you want. With different libidos we have to get creative so that neither one of you feel left out or pressured. Masturbation isn't cheating as some people would believe but it can be a very intimate act if you enjoy it together. Make sure to touch and watch to show your partner you care as the pleasure themselves. Afterwards you can cuddle as if you have both just had sex which will satisfy both of your desires. We have to be creative to overcome differences in libidos but with a little effort it can take on a life of it's own.

Click the above link to Eden Fantasy's for some amazing toys.

Hair / Head Massage.

When you partners runs their fingers though you hair, do you get a wonderful sensation that you wish wouldn't stop. Maybe your sitting home reading together when your partner starts scratching your head. You want to be like a dog and start moving your leg with the scratching. My point with all this is that we sometimes forget what wonderful sensations that touching can have on our head and hair. Take about ten minutes and give your partner a massage on their head, making sure to pay attention to the hair. Move the hair around, tussle it a little bit and get those nerves in your head and follicles singing with feeling. You might be amazed at how wonderful and exciting this massage can feel. Get online and find some great technique and tonight surprise your lover with a little head massage to get them relaxed. What happens after that is totally up to you and the sensation your head massage gives.

Different Bed Times.

If you are like most couples you most likely don't go to bed at the same time as your mate. One of you will retire earlier than the other, while the other sits up and completes a tasks or maybe even just watches a game. This is not as bad as it sound, it gives time for one of you to get a jump on sleeping if you need it and it gives the other person some time to themselves. Both very valid reasons for having different bedtimes. However, my take on this is that those first few minutes when you lay down together are important for your relationship. It is a time to relax and unwind with each other and reconnect. It is my opinion that even though you both might not got to sleep you should snuggle down in bed together for a few minutes each night. I would suggest 15 minutes of time together with nothing but the silence and the two of you touching. Breath in each other for these 15 minutes. I say 15 minutes because that lets the person not wanting to retire yet not get to tired just relaxing and it doesn't take much of the time away from the person wanting to enter slumber. Kiss each other lightly and say I love you as the person exits the bed. Don't be offended by them not staying in bed with you, but be thankful that they love you enough to take the time to hold you as you get ready for your slumber.

Being intimate is not a bargaining tool.

One thing every person knows is that intimacy and sex is important in a relationship. However, so many couples use it as a bargaining tool. Both sides are to blame. Remember when you started dating and the passion and intimacy just happened. Some how when we become life partners we forget about that. We let things like work, kids, and countless other things get in the way of the freedom we had in our intimacy. Yet we do nothing about it. We hear things like "Well if you helped more around the house, I might be in the mood more" or "Well if you didn't let yourself go, I would be more attracted to you again" These things hurt and are most definitely not good for a relationship. Never should you put a tag on your love life, that should be a mutual exchange of the love between the two of you, not just a chore. You can't force sex and you can't ignore sex, it has to be in a relationship to make both partners happy. The passion has to come back and you have to compromise or you just end up becoming roommates. Use this exercise to help you get over you stipulations on sex, think about the wonderful things your partner does, think about the wonderful times you have had together, and relive all those feelings. Do you want to create more of them? Well think back what was going on in your life when they happened, most likely there was a lot of passion between the two of you????? Are you getting the picture make it a point to woe each other again, get excited about having a date together, kiss when you come home from work, these little things will start to manifest your desire for each other and soon you won't have to worry about it the passion will take care of itself.

Use intimacy to cure the blues.

I am not a big fan of using intimacy as a reward. I don't think anyone in a serious relationship should have to complete a task or chore to receive the intimacy they deserve. Unless you are using it as a role play situation and both partners are participating. You can check out our back post on sexual payment for chores if you are interested in that.

Intimacy or sex, is one of the great mood changers in any relationship. The passion and the feeling can instantly change a persons outlook on a situation. Think about how relaxed you are after sex? You mind becomes more open and it allows you to rationalize much better. This might not work for everyone, well I believe it can work for everyone if you will open up to it. The person has to be willing to allow it to happen for it to be successful. When you see your partner hitting the blues then it is your chance to be the aggressor. Don't grab them by the hand and lead them to the bedroom saying, "You need some sex" Instead coax them into it. Touch them in a sensual manner, wear things that look good, treat them a little extra special, and snuggle up next to them. Show them that his is not only for them but for you also. You satisfaction will not only come from the intimacy but also from the knowledge that you are helping them out of their funk.

Intimacy is a great gift that we are given. We can use it to help us out or to hurt us. Helpful intimacy can allow men and women to move mountains, while hurtful intimacy only tears those mountains down.

Ladies shave those legs before bed.

There are many countries around the world where the women don't shave their legs. This is accepted by their culture and is not thought of as unattractive in these countries. However here in America it is very unusual to see a woman with hair on her legs. Here we usually look at is as someone that doesn't take care of themselves.

Ladies your legs are a valuable asset to you and your relationship. Soft shaven legs are sexy and can make even the most straight laced man melt. Us men love to run our hands across your fresh soft shaven legs and for obvious reasons. With that said ladies you might want to change up your routine a little. For example I shave my face a lot of times before I go to bed, so that just incase my partner wants to get close or intimate, she is not met with the sandpaper my face becomes. Same holds true for you ladies. If you know (and you know when you want to) you are wanting to be a little more then sleeping partners make the effort to shave those sexy legs of yours. That way your partner will drool to get his/her hands all over those soft legs of yours. Not only do your legs help with getting your partner to touch you, but they also make you feel more sexy. Fresh shaved legs are also a must if you like to wear stockings and I will speak for most of the men out there and say, "We love stockings" The nice part about using your sexy legs is that you don't have to be naked to get the feeling. You can put on a nice pair of shorts and get the foreplay started a little before you make it to the bedroom. Other things you might consider is a nice lotion to use on your legs to make them even softer and smell wonderful.

Chime in and let us know what how important legs are in your relationship by sending comments to me at thecouplesspot@gmail.com

Other uses for Lotion (Men this is directed at you)

With the cold winter weather we are having right now one thing you need to do is keep your skin soft. Rough hands are ones that no one wants to hold or get touched by. Men if you are the type of guy who's hands get rough during these months it is time to use that lotion in the bathroom for something other then what you normally use it for! Make it a point to lotion your dry hands every time you get out of the shower. Anytime you go to the bathroom and wash your hands apply another dose of this wonder. Soon you will start to feel that your hands are getting soft and less abrasive. This makes massaging your partner much much better, not only for you but for them also. No longer will you snag your dry skin on their clothes or make them shy away when you try to touch them. Now more than ever they will enjoy your hands on their naked body. Plus it is better for the other use of the lotion also (wink wink) Now go out and get those hand soft and ready.

Get out of bed on the RIGHT side!

I am sure you have all heard the expression, "I got up on the wrong side of the bed," but how can you make it work for your relationship. Well, my suggestion is to engage you partner right from the start of the morning by crawling over him/her to get out of bed. If you sleep naked, this is a wonderful good morning move that will surely get your partner to notice you as you are getting up. Make sure to rub your skin across his/hers as you slink across. Who knows you might even get pulled back into bed for a little more ways to wake yourselves up.

Flaunt your best features for you partner.

Is there a part of your body that you partner simply loves? Maybe it is your strong arms or you sexy legs. Think about it for a minute and I am sure you can think back and find a body part of yours that your partner always swoons over. Ladies, men are usually pretty straight forward about what they like. If it is your breasts then wear shirts around the house the show your great cleavage. If legs are his thing then short shorts and high heels will drive him nuts. Maybe he is a butt man if that is his thing, find shorts that let your butt cheeks hang out and bend over in front of him a lot. Gentlemen, you might have to really listen (I know that is tough for you) but that is how you will find what your partner likes. Think about areas that she touches first. Maybe it is your strong arms, and if so then wear shirts that show off your guns and make sure to flex as much as you can during the day. If she loves your rear then get some work out shorts that are tight for her pleasure. Maybe it is your chest that drives her over the edge, you can purchase some Under Armor shirts that show off your pecks.

Go overboard when you know you are going to be alone. Draw as much attention to that part as you can and see how long your partner can keep their hands to themselves. Make a game of it and tell them if they can keep their hands off you for 2 hours then they can have their way with you. Make sure to do all you can to drive them nuts during this time frame. If they can't control themselves then it is your decision as to what their punishment should be. Not only does your partner get a great view out of this but you get to be the center of attention.

Increase your sex life with a little education

Many of us think we know all the sex tricks out in the world today. I am sure you know plenty if you are into your relationship like most people that view this blog. However, I don't think as in anything you can ever know or learn to much. I want to suggest you and your partner pick up some reading material on the subject of sex and love and read it together. You might not get anything out of the book or maybe you will learn something that will set your loins on fire. The point is you never know until you try and learning with your partner might spark more then the reading material ever could. A recent purchase that has brought some pleasure into my life is a book called Red Hot Touch (Click the title of this post to go to the web sire) you can also find in in my amazon side bar. The book has lead to some laughing and experimenting for myself and I feel it could help many a relationship. Now go out buy a backpack and some folders pick up the Red Hot Touch book at amazon and start your classes today!

Isn't it nice to have someone in your life to watch your back.

Okay this might be a little bit of a silly post, but I want you to realize the importance of having a partner when you need something done with your back. Whether it be sipping up a dress, getting a bug off you, to just a good old scratching. You know that everyone, except a contortionist, has a spot on their back that they cannot reach. Who better to scratch it then the person you love. Or maybe you just want a massage on your back it feel so much better when the person you love gets their hands all over you, then when you do it yourself. Like today I just came in from mowing and realized I had just got stung by a insect. Little to my dismay the insect was still on my back. Like a trooper my partner whisked me to our porch and knocked the insect off my back. Their was no way I could have reached it but my love saved me from getting stung again. So the next time you have a itch you can't scratch be thankful for the love in your life.

A simple touch can mean so much!

Have you ever stopped to thing about how a simple touch can mean so many different things. Where you touch your partner at, how you touch them, the pressure you put into the touch, and your location can all mean different things. Light touches seem to mean soft things like I would like to kiss you, while grabs and hard hugs tend to mean I would like to get a little more physical with your. When you are out to dinner a lite caress on the arm could mean "I am having a really good time" Do you touch your partner in different places depending on what you are looking for? If you partner is cooking supper and you come up behind them and hug them while they are cooking. Could mean a simple, thank you for cooking supper. Rolling over and laying on your partners chest could mean, take me now big boy. Think about it each and every time you touch your partner. What message are you trying to send them, really.