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Differing Libidos? What Can You Do?

Dr. Janelle Alex, Ph.D. and Rob Alex, M.Sc. of Sexy Challenges talked to Aaron Anderson about differing libidos in marriages today. Is you sex drive lower/higher than you sweeties? Then you should watch now! 

Aaron Anderson is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and owner of The Marriage and Family Clinic in Westminster, CO. He is the Marriage editor for The Good Men Project and also writes for several publications on the topic of marriages, families and men. In his spare time (whatever that is) he is secretly preparing to be the next renowned chef. You can find him on Twitter @MarriageDr on Facebook and on his blog The Relationship Rx giving great relationship advice without the psychobabble.

Let the sunshine in!

One thing that can change a mood in mere minutes is letting the sun into your life. For us that live in climates were we go through months of cold and dreary days we can get a little stir crazy. There are times where we spend all day inside and never even see the sun. This is proven to depress some people a little bit. We here in the midwest call them the winter blues and they can happen more than in the winter. Recently we had a bout of several cloudy days in a row without sunshine and the mood around town was pretty depressing. However once the sunshine returned it was like magic people were out having a great time, smiling and laughing while they were out.

Relationships can be effected by these lack of sunshine, too. If possible, if you live in these long cold spell climates, I would suggest taking your vacation in the middle of it to go somewhere for some sun. The whole family can benefit from bringing a little sunshine back with you from this vacation. For you relationship it can be like recharging your batteries. Not only will it break up the winter blues but it will also make you feel better and get you out of that rut that you are in as the winter drags on. It will show you the light at the end of the tunnel and give you hope that spring is just around the corner. Plus it could jump start a cold libido, too.

Now at this time of year you can make sure to open up all curtains the would let sunshine into your house. Get outside as much as possible, plan activities that will get you away from the television and computer and breath life back into your relationships. If you have to work see if you can do it outside, get a laptop and find a comfy spot and type away for the day. The fresh air as well as the sunshine will do amazing things for you.

Don't feel like sex, then be a fan.

You know not all the times do our libidos match up. Sometimes one of us is in the mood while the other isn't. It is not wrong if you don't want to have sex and your partner does. In the same way it is not wrong to want sex if you partner doesn't. Well what can you do to keep you both happy. If you are the person that doesn't want to have sex at this time, encourage them to masturbate in front of you so you can watch. This might sound a little unusual but it is a way for you to both get what you want. With different libidos we have to get creative so that neither one of you feel left out or pressured. Masturbation isn't cheating as some people would believe but it can be a very intimate act if you enjoy it together. Make sure to touch and watch to show your partner you care as the pleasure themselves. Afterwards you can cuddle as if you have both just had sex which will satisfy both of your desires. We have to be creative to overcome differences in libidos but with a little effort it can take on a life of it's own.

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Pumpkin Pie might be better than Viagra!

Everyone has a take on aphrodisiacs and rightfully so. Different people respond to different things. Our focus today is on Pumpkin and Pumpkin pies. Not many people understand that pumpkin has been used as an aphrodisiac for many years. According to a study by the Smell and Taste Treatment and Research Foundation in Chicago, the smell of pumpkin alone can increase the blood flow as much as 40% (isn't that what Viagra does) They also claim that the pumpkin smell increases desire in women. If you get a little romantic sensation at Thanksgiving this might be the cause. Not only does the smell help but some studies say that pumpkin can help a man with prostate problems and also pregnant females. Pumpkin pie contains several items that are good for you but two in particular are known for their aphrodisiac property's. Cinnamon and Vanilla both are said to spike the libido. As we near the holidays we will all be pushing the pumpkin pie on our partners. I personally think I am going to start stocking up on the pies and have them all year long.

Click the Title of this post to go to the Science Channels web page on pumpkin pie as an aphrodisiac.

Too stressed for sex? You are only hurting yourself.

Stress can effect several things in your relationship. One of them being your sex life. However letting stress dampen you sex life actually is a double edged sword. Sex is considered a stress reliever so what better way to relieve stress then to have sex. Sex releases happy chemicals into your body that helps you relax as well as welcome sleep, this in turn helps your body become stronger. All of these things help you combat stress. Several professionals suggest taking steps to get yourself in the mood. If you click on the title of this post you will go to a list of some things that help your libido.

Bypassing sex because of stress is a no win situation. On the other hand putting a little effort into your sex life can help reduce this stress greatly. You and your partner will both benefit from the effort you put into your sex life. Now quite making excuses and start working toward getting rid of that stress by having some great sex. You relationship will thank you.

Birth Control pills the good and the bad (Webmd explains if you click here)

Birth Control pills are wonderful for preventing pregnancy, however sometimes they can cause more problems then you might think. You and your partner need to be very careful when choosing birth control especially if you decide on pills. Once again they are very reliable but some of the hormones that they put into your system can cause some bad side effects. Headaches, pains, nausea, the list goes on and on. One thing that might effect your relationship is they can cause loss of libido in some women. Yes, you heard me correctly, the thing that is suppose to help you feel more comfortable about having sex could actually hinder it.

You and your partner need to monitor the effects after starting a birth control pill. Do they make you upset easier, how do you feel on a daily basis, and again how has her sex drive changed. The only problem is their is not a clear cut answer to any of this. Women love the pill as it gives them more control over their menstrual cycle and everyone reacts differently to different types of pills. So you have to make notes and see if their are any changes and might effect your relationship, when you notice some then you need to speak with your doctor. You might have to go through several different kinds to find one the works for you without having negative side effects.

You just have to do your research on the subject. Check out the Internet there are many documented cases for each type of pill as to the side effects the have caused some women. Look for similarities, but always consult your doctor on these matters. If birth control pills are effecting your relationship maybe you should look at condoms or other forms of birth control that are effective but don't change your body chemistry.

Gentlemen it is also your place to help out. Sometimes you partners needs your help in spotting these side effects. So this is a join effort and could even bring you closer together as a couple.