Differing Libidos? What Can You Do?

Dr. Janelle Alex, Ph.D. and Rob Alex, M.Sc. of Sexy Challenges talked to Aaron Anderson about differing libidos in marriages today. Is you sex drive lower/higher than you sweeties? Then you should watch now! 

Aaron Anderson is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and owner of The Marriage and Family Clinic in Westminster, CO. He is the Marriage editor for The Good Men Project and also writes for several publications on the topic of marriages, families and men. In his spare time (whatever that is) he is secretly preparing to be the next renowned chef. You can find him on Twitter @MarriageDr on Facebook and on his blog The Relationship Rx giving great relationship advice without the psychobabble.

Affection in front of the kids (ewww yuck!)

Something that I think needs to be done in your relationship is to let your children know you are in love. Show each other affection in front of them. Now I am not talking about getting down and dirty. Save that for the bedroom or any other room as long as the little ones are asleep. However, let your young children know it is okay for the two of you to touch each other and be affectionate with each other. I don't ever remember seeing my parents touch, kiss or hold hands when I was growing up. I think that without such a vision in a young child’s mind he/she might think that it is not to be done. Or he/she may grow up to believe you shouldn't show that you care about someone in front of other people. It may sound crazy, but I can see this leading to a lot of problems in a relationship. Keeping the fact that you are attracted to each other away from your children gives them a different idea of what a relationship is! I think of all the domestic abuse in this country, and how many children see that. Far too often that child grows up to think it is okay or the norm.

Well, what if we reverse that? What if a child sees his/her daddy kiss his/her mommy or hold hands with her? Don't you think that will help a child grow up knowing that a relationship should be nurturing. Young children love to imitate their parents. Let’s start showing them how to care about one another. Heck maybe even someone else’s kids will see you holding hands or quickly kissing each other goodbye and see that is okay. From time to time your child might walk in on you during a little more intimate situation (come on you know what I mean- sex), and I think one thing that is important and maybe a little hard to do is not jump up right away like the two of you are doing something wrong. If you can slowly move apart and address the young child’s needs then explain to them that mommies and daddies need time alone together, you just might help them deal with similar situations when they are adults.

Be up front with your children in regards to love and relationships. Not only will they understand it better, but you will definitely help them out later in life. So many relationship problems and sexual problems can be traced back to parents. Don't be the one that makes your son feel like kissing his wife is wrong or the one that makes your daughter feel like sex is dirty. Use the right words and explain when they are curious and their future partners will thank you!

Speed Cleaning, The Race is on! (click here to go to amazon and view the speed cleaning book)

No one and I mean no one like to think about spring cleaning. It takes so much time and effort and can ruin a absolutely pretty day. Well here is a way to add some fun into the cleaning. Make it a challenge between the two of you. Divide up the house or just pick a room a piece and see who can get done the fastest. Now the areas divided have to be about equal and you must decide how clean the area must be. After you have laid the ground work set a starting line and get down in a sprinters squat and if you have a staring pistol shoot it, if not just someone say go. Set up a extra chore for the loser such as having to fix dinner that night or something along that lines. Turn on some music and clean as quick as you can, pick in on each other from time to time to see where you stand. No cheating don't take things form your area and move them to your partners area (I know how you are guys). Run through your partners area from time to time to do a little trash talking, things like "I'm cleaning so fast it looks like your standing still" or "Are you cleaning or posing for a picture?" are some good ones. In the end your house will look better and you should have saved some time that you can spend together well after the loser finishing cooking a great supper.

Listen to what YOU say.

Sometimes in a relationship you need to step back and listen to what you say! You might ask yourself how can that help? Well sometimes we say things that don't sound like we wanted them to. We know what we are thinking but our partner hears something else. You can make a world of difference in you relationship by avoiding things that might be construed in other manners. For example if you are criticizing anything your partner does you have to be very carefull not to use the wrong words that might give the wrong impression. For example if your parnter cooks you dinner and you don't like the food you might say "This tastes awful" instead what you might say is "You know I really don't care much for the flavor of this". Two simple phrases that basically mean the same thing but have a much differnt result when your the person hearing them.

Breathing Together - Seishindo practice

To better understand and get in sync with your partner try the practice of breathing together. My wife and I try to do this whenever something important is coming up. Sit beside or lay beside each other, so that your faces and lips are very close. (Brushing your teeth might be a good idea before trying this practice.) One partner begins to breath in and out in a slow but steady pace. The other partner then joins in by matching the breathing of the other partner. Close you eyes and feel the presence of your partner, feel your exhales meeting if front of you. Then as you inhale vision yourself absorbing of your partners breath. By learning to control your breath and getting it in time with your partner, you become one. One, being the couple and together you tackle the challenge before you. I think once you try this and feel the peace that surrounds you as the two of you slowly get your breathing in sync.

Click on the title line to learn more about Seishindo Practices.

Holding Hands

One of the simple things in a relationship that is overlooked as time goes on is simply holding hands. It was so easy when you were dating, you didn't even think twice about it. You didn't care who saw you holding hands, and it was a way of still touching the skin you so desired. Touch is a proven stimulant. This simple act can wake up nerves and get your blood pumping. Touch, simply put, is great for your relationship in general. I can speak from experience - when my wife puts her hand on my back or my arm when we are out and about I feel tingly where she touched me. The lighter the touch the more tingles I recieve. Sometimes the light touch however tickles. You might need to touch a little harder so as not to make it unbearable for the other person.

Do this next time your partner and you are out. Make it a point to hold his/her hand anytime you walk together. Not only is the touch good as mentioned above, but it also gets the two of you in sync as it makes you walk at the same speed and will usually slow you down so that you have more time to enjoy each other. Be a little silly with it. Maybe even try running while holding hands - just make sure to let go if need be. Dragging someone really messes up the momment. Get back to making it a natural function so that you just do it without even thinking. It might take some practice, but soon you won't be running your partner into things and you will learn to flow as a couple again.

For some more advanced hand holding you can try holding hands while snorkeling, skydiving, or for a real treat try making love while holding hands!

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