Learn about your partners past if they will let you.

Most of us have events in our life that have shaped who we are and the reactions we have to things. Do you know those important things about your partner? Do you know why the won't touch alcohol or why they shy away from touch sometimes. Do you understand that sometimes they need a little extra to compensate for something that they missed as a child? These are things that don't just get expressed on your first few dates. These are deep dark secrets that take comfort and love to let someone else know. You are given a wonderful gift when they share these things with you and yet sometimes we don't know quite how to handle them. First and for most keep their confidence in you and don't go trying to fix it tomorrow. This baggage has formed over years and isn't about to go away with one little conversation about it. Don't get discouraged either know that when something is hidden away for long periods of time it forms it's own defense and won't be easily broken down. Things like sexual abuse, alcohol problems, emotional abuse are all things that can affect your relationship but are not going to be easily put to rest. Listening is your best friend, don't judge or offer answers right away let the person get it off their chest and mind. Be their friend and don't get defensive of them ask questions like "How did that make you feel?", or "How did you handle that?" be his/her rock at this point. Don't try to out do him/her even if you have had something happen in your opinion that was much worse. Focus on the pain that your partner is feeling at this point of them opening up. If the problem becomes a burden and starts affecting your relationship then maybe you might suggestion counseling. The point is they need your help but you cannot possibly know how they are feeling because you didn't live it. People will react differently to the same instance so their is no quick fix here. The best thing you can do is be supportive and give all your love to them. Picking up the pieces is hard work and trying to put the puzzle back together is even harder.

Affection in front of the kids (ewww yuck!)

Something that I think needs to be done in your relationship is to let your children know you are in love. Show each other affection in front of them. Now I am not talking about getting down and dirty. Save that for the bedroom or any other room as long as the little ones are asleep. However, let your young children know it is okay for the two of you to touch each other and be affectionate with each other. I don't ever remember seeing my parents touch, kiss or hold hands when I was growing up. I think that without such a vision in a young child’s mind he/she might think that it is not to be done. Or he/she may grow up to believe you shouldn't show that you care about someone in front of other people. It may sound crazy, but I can see this leading to a lot of problems in a relationship. Keeping the fact that you are attracted to each other away from your children gives them a different idea of what a relationship is! I think of all the domestic abuse in this country, and how many children see that. Far too often that child grows up to think it is okay or the norm.

Well, what if we reverse that? What if a child sees his/her daddy kiss his/her mommy or hold hands with her? Don't you think that will help a child grow up knowing that a relationship should be nurturing. Young children love to imitate their parents. Let’s start showing them how to care about one another. Heck maybe even someone else’s kids will see you holding hands or quickly kissing each other goodbye and see that is okay. From time to time your child might walk in on you during a little more intimate situation (come on you know what I mean- sex), and I think one thing that is important and maybe a little hard to do is not jump up right away like the two of you are doing something wrong. If you can slowly move apart and address the young child’s needs then explain to them that mommies and daddies need time alone together, you just might help them deal with similar situations when they are adults.

Be up front with your children in regards to love and relationships. Not only will they understand it better, but you will definitely help them out later in life. So many relationship problems and sexual problems can be traced back to parents. Don't be the one that makes your son feel like kissing his wife is wrong or the one that makes your daughter feel like sex is dirty. Use the right words and explain when they are curious and their future partners will thank you!