Don't forget to be friends in your relationship.

One of the biggest problems I feel happen in a relationship is that we lose sight of how important our friendship is with each other. We become a couple and now we aren't friends any longer we become partners and lovers. We forget that we had a make a bond first and that was becoming friends. We did things together, we talked, we enjoyed each others company, so why should we stop doing those things. We can still have intimacy, take on the daily tasks of living and be friends. Why do so many couples not get this! Set up dates have nights of fun laughing until the sun comes up, start remembering what it was like to build that friendship during the very early part of your relationship. I am sure if you think back that if the friendship wasn't there your relationship wouldn't be where it is today? Think about that for a while and you will see just how important remaining friends is.

Turn the tables from time to time.

Are you the one in the relationship the initiates sex most often? If not then it is time you turn the tables a little and surprise your lover. It doesn't take a lot of effort and you don't even have to spend much time in preparation if you don't want to. Just make sure that they know you are the one that wants to make love! You can set a mood by getting some candles out or putting new sheets on the bed. You can wear something sexy or nothing at all really gets the point across. Let yourself get comfortable with wanting your partner, desire is a strong feeling that when you are open to it can bring you to the highest of highs. Get them thinking about it early by sending the an "I want you" text message, so that their motor is running and they will seek you out when you get home. You can also use the surprise attack and jump them when they least expect it. No matter how you do it make sure it makes a lasting impression on them. Lastly I just want to say don't wait so long to do it! Getting a balance in who initiates the intimacy in your relationship goes a long way to balancing your relationship in general. We all want that control and we have to learn to share it. If you are in love with your partner then you should have no problem being the aggressor or the receiver of the aggressive passion. After all it will help mix things up and keep them interesting.

Who loves you baby?

Have you took inventory lately of how much your partner does for you? Do they go the extra mile for you? Does he/she do things that allow you to be the person you want to be? Does he/she give you massages, does he/she do the dishes for the family, or does he/she take care of the kids so that you can go play golf? These are just a few examples of what you could put on your inventory list. Take a moment and list ten things you partner does that you feel helps you out? Now can you think of ten things that you do for them? Does your list come up a little short? If so then YOU need to take some action to balance it up. Relationships are always give and take but if you are taking more then you are giving the balance is off and the relationship will tilt. We need this balance to have a happy and healthy relationship. Do this everyday and you will soon start seeing that you make sure to balance the give and take. It is only fair to your partner and you. It always feels good when your partner does something special for you but there is a great pride that you will feel when you do something special for them. Take this is heart and balance out your relationship today.

Together overcome!

It is a fact of life that at some points and time some depression will hit your life. This is when it is great to be in a loving and caring relationship. Nothing knocks depression for a loop like someone telling you how much they love you and how great you are. That person is and should be your partner. They are the support that is always there they are the rock that doesn't waiver. Sometimes you are that partner and sometimes you need that partner. Love is a wonderful tool in so many ways yet people don't know how to use it to the best of it's ability in most cases. Love is not physical, it is not emotional, and it is not spiritual, it is all these things rolled together. When you understand this you will see that love is the greatest gift we can give or receive. Think of that the next time you partner has a bad day and instead of hiding in another area of the house offer up some physical, emotional and spiritual words to break that frown into a smile.

Reward your partner for taking care of the kids!

One of the hardest yet most fun things to do is take care of the kids all day. If you don't have children you are missing one of the pure joys of life. However it is difficult to be the only one taking care of them. Having a joint effort is the best when taking care of the munchkins. Sometimes however one of us have to work while the other partner has to be the main source of childcare. When this happens you need to reward you partner for the most important job ever. Take them to dinner, or pick out a movie that they like or just give them time for themselves. Make it known that you appreciate this hard but rewarding task they have performed. Tell them how great of parent they are and that you love them even more for being super mom/dad.

Love is the answer!

We all have those times in our life where things are not going as well as they should. Our jobs suck, the kids are driving us crazy, our families are out of control what ever they problem you should always turn to your love for stability. Use your relationship with your partner as a grounding point. Turn to that love you have anytime something is bothering you or stressing you and soon the problem will pass. There is a special energy between two people in love that forms a protective barrier against painful and stressful situations. Use that energy to help guide you, do shy away from it saying you are to stressed or can handle love right now. That is a sure way to keep the stress around you. Use love and intimacy as a vitamin for your life. Love and intimacy give you the special feeling you need to put your problems into perspective and to get past them. I will be commenting more on this energy of love in future post because I think people look the wrong way when they need help. All the help you need is in your relationship and they love it holds for you. Look into you partners eyes and see how much safety there is in them.

A Balanced Relationship

How balanced is your relationship? I have been learning some transpersonal techniques via my partners masters program and balance is something I am seeing that is important. Do you put as much into your relationship as you take from it? Do you appreciate all the things your partner does for you? Big or little do you take anything for granted? Do you think about your partner when you are doing small things? Do you want to make your partner feel like they are important? All these things should be important to both partners and should come to the forefront of your relationship. Now, let me ask you again how balanced is your relationship? Do you honestly feel you are putting as much into your relationship as you can be? I am not talking about you idolizing you partner but do you put as much into the relationship as they do. Find a balance you relationship requires a certain amount of time and attention. If one partner is putting all the effort into the relationship then the balance is disturbed. The other partner feels smothered and the one putting the effort into it feels ignored. This is where the balance comes in. When the partner that feels unappreciated starts seeing some effort being put into the relationship by the other partner then they relax and don't try so hard. So this balance is important to both partners just in different ways. Balance gives you both a chance to get what you want and need out of a relationship. So once again I ask you how balanced is your relationship?

Full of Anniversaries

Well today as I am writing it is my 8Th anniversary with my partner. I have been blessed with a wonderful person that I am spending my life with. Just like all couples we have our problems and it isn't always a bed of roses. However the wonderful times by far outweigh the not so good times. I think back to all those great times we have had like the day we were married, the birth of our son, and how we have overcome struggles. Yet, as I reminisce about our memories the ones that make me smile are the little things we do together. The times we act silly together, like when we stay up asking each other silly questions, or just touching each other as we sleep. Those things are so small but so important to me. I also love it when we watch a movie and then quote lines to each other during the following days, and we are the only ones that have a clue to what we are talking about. There are so many simple little things that make our relationship special that it would be impossible to list them all. My point to you is, don't over look the little things we you are evaluating your relationship. The simple little things sure to add up when you are in love. In closing I would just like to tell my partner that she is the most amazing woman, and I am more in love with her today then the day we were married. XOXOXOX

I also want to pat myself on the back because yesterday's post was our 500th. I hope we are helping to improve your relationship. To me a good relationship is the building block for not only your life together but everything that touches our lives.

Who brought the negative energy in here?

The most wonderful place to feel safe and important is inside your relationship. You should feel protected and special within the realm of your our partners arms. Yet sometimes we bring negative energy into our relationship that can cause turmoil and struggles. Problems at work, struggles with our children, or just a tough drive home can cause us to dump our negative energy into our relationship. Once we do this then that negative energy starts gnawing on our passionate loving relationship. Think back have you ever let a bad day or bad situation outside your home effect your relationship. Have you ever been testy with your partner because you had one of these bad days? Is it fair that your partner should get the brunt of your feelings about that subject. While you should be able to air out your problems with your partner you should also drop it and and thankful to them for being their afterwards. Always remember that the love you have for each other is the best medicine for a stressful situation. Next time you come home with this feeling of negative energy try this. Wipe it off your feet on your door mat before you get in the house, make a conscience effort to not struggle with it during your time with the people you love the most. If you really feel you need to address the problem with your partner then ask them to step out side to discuss it. Them wipe it off your feet before you come in again. It is easy to dump all our baggage into our relationship because it is close to us and our major focus. However using your relationship as a dump for all the negative energy will soon find you wondering why your relationship is so negative.

Learn about your partners past if they will let you.

Most of us have events in our life that have shaped who we are and the reactions we have to things. Do you know those important things about your partner? Do you know why the won't touch alcohol or why they shy away from touch sometimes. Do you understand that sometimes they need a little extra to compensate for something that they missed as a child? These are things that don't just get expressed on your first few dates. These are deep dark secrets that take comfort and love to let someone else know. You are given a wonderful gift when they share these things with you and yet sometimes we don't know quite how to handle them. First and for most keep their confidence in you and don't go trying to fix it tomorrow. This baggage has formed over years and isn't about to go away with one little conversation about it. Don't get discouraged either know that when something is hidden away for long periods of time it forms it's own defense and won't be easily broken down. Things like sexual abuse, alcohol problems, emotional abuse are all things that can affect your relationship but are not going to be easily put to rest. Listening is your best friend, don't judge or offer answers right away let the person get it off their chest and mind. Be their friend and don't get defensive of them ask questions like "How did that make you feel?", or "How did you handle that?" be his/her rock at this point. Don't try to out do him/her even if you have had something happen in your opinion that was much worse. Focus on the pain that your partner is feeling at this point of them opening up. If the problem becomes a burden and starts affecting your relationship then maybe you might suggestion counseling. The point is they need your help but you cannot possibly know how they are feeling because you didn't live it. People will react differently to the same instance so their is no quick fix here. The best thing you can do is be supportive and give all your love to them. Picking up the pieces is hard work and trying to put the puzzle back together is even harder.

Love can heal.

Love is one of the most powerful things in our lives. It gives us strength and power to do things we never thought we would be able, too. Yet we constantly doubt it's power. I have recently be studying Huna, which is a way of living the Hawaiian culture teaches, and it has shown me even more how important love is to our daily life. Love is the feeling that someone is there to catch you and make you feel better. Which leads me to or subject for today. Love, can it heal? We know it is a wonderful feeling but can it make your health better? Yes is the answer. Studies show that people who claim to be in love actually live longer than those that don't. Love is a great reliever of stress, and you have someone to vent your anger with. Now your stress level is lower. We can see the long terms of love quite easily, together we are stronger. How about a quick healing can love cure illnesses right away. Is there the power to cure cancer or heat problems in our love? I say that if you truly believe so with out a doubt that yes love can heal those challenges. The problems lies in that we are taught that this doesn't work. We fall into societies ignorance that you don't need love and that love is an desire not a need. Well my friends I don't know about you but love is more than a desire to me. It roots deep in my soul and I can feel it's power. Now trying to find a way to use that love power to heal the ill is another challenge. For starters that person has to believe in the power to or their body will reject your love like it rejects or tries to fight off viruses. I like to think of love like water let it flow through both of you and cleanse the challenged area diluting and disputing the challengers hold on the ill persons body. Hold each other and imagine water rushing though both of your bodies let the passion you hold for each other take over and speak no words. I am not knocking modern medicine and I feel it is also very powerful but I think for someone to truly get well they need this love cleanse to coarse through their body. Now we all know that we cannot live forever that is not an option but to extend the time you are together to love each other, now that my friends is a miracle. Each and every extra minute you can get is a blessing, just ask someone that has lost a love.

Looking for a Job? Do it together.

As the economy is trying to turn around many of us find ourselves looking for employment. Constant scanning the want ads and the internet for jobs that fit is a nightmare. This nightmare can be a little easier if you enlist the help of your partner. Having another pair of eyes browsing the endless streams of information is a big help. For starters they will look in a totally different manner than yourself. You might pass over a job that might be perfect of you but someone with a more objective eye might have it stick out to them. Another plus for this is that their future depends on this also. When one partner loses a job or is out of work the whole family suffers. Teamwork isn't a option here you need to lower you defences and listen to ideas your partner has. Remember that no one knows you better than your partner, so trust their judgement also.

Sometimes you just have to get mad

Sometimes you just have to get mad. Does't matter if you are in traffic or at home. You just have to let it out sometimes. This way you don't explode later for no reason. Direct your anger at what makes you angry and leave your relationship out of it. We tend to dump our problems into our relationship because it is comfortable and easy to do. Our partner tries to understand but sometimes it is just way to hard. Think about that next time you fly off the handle at your partner because work was bad. Did they cause the situation or are you just directing your anger at them? Chew on that next time.

Enjoy time off.

The last thing that we ever want in a relationship is to have changes effect us. Things like losing your job can really test a relationship. Both of you have to be prepared for a change like this and securing a new job is a task in itself. The one thing you need to do to make this time less stressful is to make sure to enjoy the extra time you have together. Take time to do things that you might not be able to once you are back to work. Like day time walks or staying up late to watch a movie. Keep you job search in the for front but take the time to enjoy and rekindle your relationship. The job will come but they time you enjoy together just might be more important.

The Temperature of romance

We all have a specific temperatures that we are comfortable with be it during the day or in the evening when we are trying to sleep. We also all have temperatures that we like to make love in or snuggle at so do a little research and find the best temperatures for you and your partner. Hit the air conditioning if you partner doesn't like sweaty sex. Keep the thermostat turned down cooler in those winter months to encourage your partner to snuggle. Turn the air conditioning down to get your partner into wearing less clothes around the house. Heck you can even turn the heat up in the winter and wear you swimsuits around. Have fun with this little adjusting of the temperature. Make it hot then when you partner complains tell them "Well maybe you should have so many clothes on!" with a raised eyebrow.

Let the sunshine in!

One thing that can change a mood in mere minutes is letting the sun into your life. For us that live in climates were we go through months of cold and dreary days we can get a little stir crazy. There are times where we spend all day inside and never even see the sun. This is proven to depress some people a little bit. We here in the midwest call them the winter blues and they can happen more than in the winter. Recently we had a bout of several cloudy days in a row without sunshine and the mood around town was pretty depressing. However once the sunshine returned it was like magic people were out having a great time, smiling and laughing while they were out.

Relationships can be effected by these lack of sunshine, too. If possible, if you live in these long cold spell climates, I would suggest taking your vacation in the middle of it to go somewhere for some sun. The whole family can benefit from bringing a little sunshine back with you from this vacation. For you relationship it can be like recharging your batteries. Not only will it break up the winter blues but it will also make you feel better and get you out of that rut that you are in as the winter drags on. It will show you the light at the end of the tunnel and give you hope that spring is just around the corner. Plus it could jump start a cold libido, too.

Now at this time of year you can make sure to open up all curtains the would let sunshine into your house. Get outside as much as possible, plan activities that will get you away from the television and computer and breath life back into your relationships. If you have to work see if you can do it outside, get a laptop and find a comfy spot and type away for the day. The fresh air as well as the sunshine will do amazing things for you.

What questions are you asking?

Relationships are give and take and they will always be that way. However I see many couples that don't want to explore each others worlds. We want to tell them about the wonderful or awful things that happen to us but how often do we ask them about things? What is your first course of actions in the morning? Do you ask your partner if they slept well or if they had any exciting dreams? When you get home from work what are your first words? The should be, "How was your day?" or "Anything exciting happen today" Demand that your partner tell you about their excitement and their happenings even if they are boring. Hopefully then they will return the favor, this sparks so much conversation in your relationship and it shows that you really care about them. Resist the urge to jump in and start telling your story until they ask about it and if you can't wait just make sure to ask about their day after you are finished. We want to know that our beloved want to know about what we are doing it makes us know that they are thinking about us during the day.

In you Relationship as well as life always be optimistic.

We so often go through life with blinders on, and this is true in our relationships, too. We don't look at the bigger picture and have preconceived ideas before we experience items. For the next month or so I want you to make it a habit to be open to everything you do. This might sound hard but after you get over the first couple of hurdles it gets a lot smoother. Say for instance, you partner ask you to go to the ballet, and you a football on sundays type of person. Instead of shaking your head and rolling your eyes, be optimistic. Tell yourself as well as your partner, that will be interesting to experience, I would love to see how a ballet could stimulate me. Another example might be that your partner is bugging you about having intimacy. Instead of saying, "Is that all you think about" to them try this "I am amazed that you desire me so much, I would love to make love to you" You can use this is so many ways to improve your relationship and your life. Say your trash gets knocked over in the night by animals and spread all over you yard. You could be outside cursing like a sailor (sorry sailors, just a saying). Instead you could tell yourself as you are cleaning up the mess, "This is a valuable lesson and next time I will make sure to put the trash where animals cannot get it" By being optimistic in our relationship we open ourself up to all the love available to us.

Breath in Each other.

There are many forms of breathing exercises, yet most of them involve only one person. Tantric practices encourage couples to find ways to become one and breathing together is one of those. It is believed that for a couple to get on the same plane that their breathing should be able to match each other. Lay in bed and try to breath at the say time, Place your hand on your partners chest and let them place their hand our yours. Then let you chest rise and fall and try to get in sync with each other so that you are in harmony. I enjoy doing this in a different manner, I like to start in a soul gazing position. We both stand facing each other and look deep into each others eyes, trying to see inside their soul. Then I like to begin the breathing and trying to get our breath in sync. In this I feel we are breathing the same air, thus bringing in the same outside forces into our bodies. This is a great way to end your night, before bed time and as a last good night sentiment between the two of you. You can also do it in the morning when you get up, just make sure both of you are okay with morning breath or can quickly brush before hand.

Is love a perception or a feeling?

We have all heard at some point and time that love is a feeling. Love is caring about another individual as much if not more than yourself. We all strive to get that feeling and are comfortable when we feel we have it. Now my question is can you measure the amount of love one person has for another? If not then is love just your perception of that feeling? Take for example one person might cook dinner for their partner because they love them and wants them to have a good meal. To the next person that might just be one of the chores that they perform at their household. I question and wonder if the feeling comes first or the perception? If you can think your love is unconditional then maybe you think the feeling comes first. On the other hand however do we have to wait for the actions to show us that we are loved. It seems like the chicken and egg routine all over again. I personal feel like people view love in very different manners, and I believe that some people do feel the lover first and others need the perception first to validate the love. I think maybe if it is possible that it's a combination of the two. Happening at the exact same time that creates true love. This might be getting a little deep for you and I am not asking you to question your feelings and or love for your partner. I am just curious as to how we arrive at loving someone.