Thankful for Your Family…or Not - Eek, Not Aunt Ethel Again

A Thanksgiving to Be Grateful For

By Dr. Noelle Nelson

You love your extended family, you really do, and the thought of all those aunts and uncles, in-laws and parents, cousins and various spouses and children warms your heart.

Until it's time for them to descend on your home for Thanksgiving.

Even if it's just a parent or solitary in-law or wayward cousin, having to deal with relatives you see but once or twice a year can be a trial. It seems so much easier to love them at a distance!

At a distance, you forget all about Aunt Ethel's obnoxious eating habits, or your mother/mother-in-law's critical comments about you, your hairdo, your children, your home, your job, your pets, your cooking, your--well, everything.

You welcome them with love and smiles into your home for the Thanksgiving feast you've prepared to the very best of your culinary ability, with care for each of their individual preferences, trying not to let your frantic last-minute running around show.

Here they are, and here's the feast, and all is well.

But it doesn't take long for Aunt Ethel's chomping to get at you, or those critical comments to make you grit your teeth (biting back the sharp retort you long to give), nor for you to think unkind thoughts of your cousin's new wife (a plunging neckline and leather micro-skirt? At the family Thanksgiving get-together?).

Somehow, all the thanks in Thanksgiving--the spirit of gratitude, appreciation and tolerance for one another--disappears even before the pumpkin pie is served.

Time for a shift! A shift in focus, that is. You see, anything you focus on grows. The more you allow yourself to notice your relatives' irritating behaviors, the more unhappy you will become. The more unhappy you are, the less you are able to tune in to the spirit of Thanksgiving. Instead of a celebration of gratitude, you end up with a headache and a pissy attitude.

Shift. Think about how much Aunt Ethel loves her food. The food you so lovingly prepared. So she has horrible table manners, so? She's having a good time, all due to you.

Your mother/mother-in-law's critical take on the world is her problem. You like yourself as you are, along with your hairdo, your children, your home, your job, your pets, your--you get the drift. Criticism is often a misguided attempt to improve things for others so they can be happier. This is just your mother/mother-in-law's way of loving you. Weird, I know, but again--not your problem. Let the critical comments flow off you like water off a duck. Irrelevant, no different than bad late-night talk show bla-bla. Just filler. Unimportant.

So the new wife is showing off her stuff? Who cares? It makes her happy, and certainly doesn't mean you have to imitate her style.

Focus on what does matter: the guests who are enjoying themselves, how nicely your casserole turned out, that the table looks lovely. Focus on how grateful you are to have a family--of one, or two, or many. Focus on how good it is to be alive, and to have the goodness that exists in your life.

Focus on giving thanks, let the rest just roll on by, and you will have a Thanksgiving to be grateful for.

Noelle C. Nelson, Ph.D., is a psychologist, relationship expert, popular speaker in the U.S. and abroad, and author of 10 best-selling books. Dr. Nelson focuses on how we can all enjoy happy, fulfilling lives while accomplishing great things in love, at home and at work, as we appreciate ourselves, our world and all others. Visit http://www.noellenelson.com, http://anotefromdrnoelle.blogspot.com.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Dr._Noelle_Nelson

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Dinner routines are great but every once in a while break from the norm.

Having dinner at the table with great conversation is a wonderful thing. It can bring us closer and set a time for sharing. However, every once in a while you need to break from the ridged time and make it a party. Yes, make your dinner a party. Weather you order a pizza and eat it sitting on the living room floor or eat standing up in the kitchen. This variety every once in a while can help to explore different things. Maybe it is a new chinese dish that you want to eat while sitting on the floor to get the feel for the way the chinese eat. Make dinner like a family gathering and sit all the food on the table and let you family wander around while eating. You can even make it dinner and a movie where you combine eating dinner with watching a new release movie. Whatever you choice might be just break away from the normal every once in a while at dinner and see what it might spark.

Looking for a Job? Do it together.

As the economy is trying to turn around many of us find ourselves looking for employment. Constant scanning the want ads and the internet for jobs that fit is a nightmare. This nightmare can be a little easier if you enlist the help of your partner. Having another pair of eyes browsing the endless streams of information is a big help. For starters they will look in a totally different manner than yourself. You might pass over a job that might be perfect of you but someone with a more objective eye might have it stick out to them. Another plus for this is that their future depends on this also. When one partner loses a job or is out of work the whole family suffers. Teamwork isn't a option here you need to lower you defences and listen to ideas your partner has. Remember that no one knows you better than your partner, so trust their judgement also.

Let your kids or others kids see you being in love.

One thing that I feel is way to avoided in our society is letting our children see what being in love is about. I am not saying you should sit there and make out in front of them. Let them see the two of you holding hands, and let them know that a quick kiss it okay, and one thing you have to do is let them know that Mommies and Daddies need time alone. With these things you are sitting up the ground work for you children to have great relationships in the future. Our children learn from our examples, so if they see their parents in a relationship that is full of spite and anger that is what they will feel is a normal relationship. It is time to break the mold and let your children understand that you love each other. Tell them how much you love their other parent or your partner, don' think that they cannot handle it. Talk about your lover to them when they are gone, tell them you wished they were home or that you miss them. Children understand a lot more then you realize. If you want your children to have great relationships in the future lead by example and let them see what love is about.

Dating for Couples with children!

Many of you out there are in your relationships and are blessed with the wonders of having children. This is absolutely one of the best feelings in the world being a parent. Yet, it makes it very tough to make plans to go out on dates. Not only do you have to find a place to go that fits within your budget, now you have to find a babysitter and you are back to having a curfew. If you live near you family, you might be able to get the cheapest and best babysitters around in your family. Once you have secured the sitter the next thing you have to worry about is the unexpected. Children have a way of getting sick at the most unwanted time or they find a way to make you feel guilty about going out without them. Sickness is something you can't get around, however feeling guilty is one that if you are getting plenty of quality time with your child, you should make yourself numb to it. Adults need their time to and both of you need time to get out and have adult things to do. You need to go places that don't have puppets or people dressed as animals to entertain yourself. You might want to consume a beer or mixed drink which you can't do with the children, or you might want to try a food that might not be to good for a little ones pallet. No matter the reason parents need their time, too. So latch on to a good babysitter and start planning now to have a normal date night. Be it Sunday afternoon, or Saturday night. By doing this you will keep yourself fresh and ready to spend that time with your little ones by knowing that on a certain date you will be able to act like grown ups and get to have conversations that don't include Sponge Bob Square Pants.

Get your Game on for after the Unwrapping on Christmas.

Now is the time to think of what the two of you are going to do after all the presents are unwrapped and the food has been digested. Go out and pick up some games that will be fun, whether it is just the two of you or the whole family. Pick some games that can get everyone involved find one that has questions that you can ask each other or other members of your family that are still hanging around. Board games are nice but they don't allow you to get comfortable as you have to sit around a table so you have room for the board. I would suggest just taking the cards and go around the room asking questions to each other. One of my favorite game of all time is the Loaded Questions line. The questions really get you thinking as you have to explain your answer and their are no right or wrong answers it really helps you to get to know someone better by playing. Not only is it fun but it is a great conversation starter for times when everyone is being quiet. Click on the title of this post to go to the Loaded Questions Game Site, they even have an adult version that you can play after you kick everyone out of the house.

Give, Give, Give....

During this time of season we really think about needy people ones that are in our lives and ones that we know nothing about. Sometimes I tear up hearing about a child that doesn't have enough to eat or that hasn't any parents at this time of year. It's hard enough to make ends meet and get everything done we need to do but can you imagine not even having the means to complete the most basic tasks, like brushing your teeth? I know this holiday I am going to put a little extra effort into giving. Go out and when you pick up your basic needs such as toothpaste, pick up an extra tube and drop it off at the homeless shelter. Cleaning out your closet for new Christmas clothes take them to a place that gives them to the needy. Volunteer you time to help serve dinner at a shelter and make donations to organizations that need funding. This way when you are snuggled up with your sweetheart in your nice warm house you will get an even better feeling by knowing that you helped someone less fortunate. Get your partner involved and your kids if you have any, you won't believe the wonderful feeling it gives you to help someone that is down on their luck. Believe me you will see the appreciation in their eyes. Then don't forget about this feeling the rest of the year.

Why send cards on only Christmas?

I can't believe that Hallmark and the other card companies haven't started pushing Thank You cards to be send on Thanksgiving. Why not I think that it would be just as important as Christmas cards. A simple thank you card with a list of the helpful things someone has done for you would be a great thing to receive on this holiday of family and friends. Take on this task as a couple and put both of your minds into writing thankful words to the people that are important in your lives. What a site the two of you will make when you come into your family thanksgiving dinner and hand out cards to everyone, this is such a break from tradition that it might just become a tradition. Be Thankful today, and enjoy all the important people in your life, they will be glad you did and so will you.

Game of Loaded Questions. (Click here to go to their Website)

I recently went to the book store and found a wonderful game it is called "Loaded Questions" The game is as simple as it can be you just ask the questions and both of you give your best answers. The best part of this game is no wrong or right answers they are all opinions. So you have to do some elaborating to explain your choices to your partner. Yes, there is a board and some strategies I am sure but we just threw out the game and kept the cards. The questions are simple and allow for silly answers. This is great game for couples or for a group. It allows you to laugh and communicate with each other. You might even find out some things you didn't know about your partner. Some of their question are as follows:

1. If you were invisible, where would you go?

2. Name one celebrity that has no right being a celebrity.

3. What two people would you most like to stand next to in a picture?

4. What fad did you pick up that you are most embarrassed about?

Not only do they have a basic version but they also have a political version, a kids version, and an ADULT version (I will have to order that one) I must say I really love this company's take on gaming they have some others you can view on their website, which you can get to by clicking on the title of this post.

You could make these questions up yourself if you are strapped for cash. I however think it better to spring for the game because they are going to hit a lot of subjects you might not think about.

As for what two people would I like to stand between in a picture. My choices would be Adam Sandler and Einstein that way I would be half way between funny and smart!

Stress got you down ..Get out some old pictures.

Is your partner stressed? Are they having a terrible day at work or traffic got them ready to strangle someone. We all feel like this from time to time. When you or your partner are feeling the weight for stress I suggest getting out some of your old photos. Get the ones of the two of you on vacation or on your honeymoon. They can be pictures of your children romping through the woods, or holiday gatherings. The only stipulation is that the events in the pictures were relatively stress free. Remember the time you spend together when you were dating, and the only thing that meant anything was the two of you. Do you have pictures of that time in your life well bring them out if you do. Remember the funny time when your cares where not even present and bring out pictures of that. You might have to do a little digging in the basement or attic but you know that those images are there.

Help your partner recover from their stress. Take them back to a place ,with the use of old photos, that will sooth their inner beast.

We cannot relive the past but we can remember it!

Time to Honor Our Hero's

Yes ladies and gentlemen Iwould like to take a moment to honor all the brave souls living and decesed that protected our great country. I am very proud to live in the USA and think everyone who lives here should be also. So today as a couple you should do a littel research and see how many of your relitives severed in the armed forces. You can also do this for your country if you live outside the USA. No matter what the cause or effect these people were hero's to stand up for their country. Find out how many members of your partners family served their country and maybe you could even find some old pictures of them to copy. Your children or your future children might get a kick out of seeing them later. While I don't agree with the acts of war I do agree that these people should be honored.

So today the message is short and simple for The Couples Spot. Just be proud of the people that have protected your great country. As your at your Cookout today remember this is not just a time to eat and be with friends it is a time to remember.