Questions, Concerns, Need Help?

I have been at this now for well over a year and a half and I am curious to the nature of the status of my viewers relationships. I am curious if you are reading to improve your already great relationship or if it is a relationship in need of repair? I wonder what problems you have and would like to address? I am opening my doors for you to let me help. I am anxious to hear from many of you and I am sure I can offer suggestions that will help in any situation. Drop me a line at the email below and lets get started helping your relationship.

thecouplesspot@gmail.com

All conversations are kept in confidence.

Changing your words can change the mood.

Sometimes the words you speak don't truly tell the story of what you mean to say. Our partners hear different things as we speak because of the words we choose or the tone we use when we say them. For example, I can say "Let's have sex" and it sounds like I just want to get my enjoyment and I don't care about my partner. However if I rephrase that to "Would you like to be intimate tonight?" I have now changed it to a question allowing my partner a chance to respond unlike the order in the first statement. The second statement has also been softened up and sounds more attractive to both partners. Putting things into questions is a great way to avoid conflict because other wise it sounds like an demand and not a caring wonder. You should take this approach in all your manners of dealing with your partner. "Honey, could you please take out the trash" is going to get a much better reaction then "Would it kill you to take out the trash" Make sure you use softer tones when dealing with your love this expresses a compassion for them that everyone loves. Try it by using the same statement but then softening your voice and saying it again. Use for example "Pass the butter" now say it in a more quite tone and softer. See the difference. Sometimes just the tone comes out all wrong. So now start thinking about the words you speak and start putting different words and questions as well as a softer tone into them and see how your partner responds. This could be very good for you.

What to talk about.

One great thing about being in a special relationship is that you always have someone to talk to. What happens when you just don't have anything to talk about. Maybe you have been together so much that you just can't think of anything interesting to say. You can talk about work or the children, but maybe you want a little deeper conversation. You want to tap into your partner deeper feeling about life in general, but how? What we do when we need to find some interesting conversation is get out some of our old board games and use the questions. Any trivia style game or situation game will do. Just take the cards and find a comfortable place to fire questions back and forth to each other. One of my favorites for this is a game called "Loaded Questions" it is basically just simple questions to ask each other there are not right or wrong answers but they let you know where your partner stands. Another game very similar is Table Conversations, or What Would you Do. Actually I have through out all the boards and spinners to these games and just have kept the questions. I have them quickly on hand for times when we have alone time so that we have plenty to talk about always.

Do you really listen?

When you partner begins to talk about what they are interested in do you really listen? Are you interested in what they are saying and if not are you courteous enough to be interested in them? We have this flaw in our make up that only wants us to be interested in what WE are interested in. While our partner is talking about something they are passionate about we are in our mind wondering what time the game comes on, or how much work we have to do later. We don't really give them the courtesy of listening and trying to enjoy what they are diving into. Listen to your conversations and see if you quickly change the subject as your partner is discussing their topic. Here is a trick I have learned to try and get more involved in what my partner is speaking about. After you partner tells you about something that is of interest to them, ask a question about it. It doesn't have to be a in depth question but it does need to be one that seeks more understanding. Start making it a point to question you partner and get them to give you a little more information before you start talking about your interests. Doing this will not only show your partner that you care but it might just get you a little more understanding as to why they care.

What questions are you asking?

Relationships are give and take and they will always be that way. However I see many couples that don't want to explore each others worlds. We want to tell them about the wonderful or awful things that happen to us but how often do we ask them about things? What is your first course of actions in the morning? Do you ask your partner if they slept well or if they had any exciting dreams? When you get home from work what are your first words? The should be, "How was your day?" or "Anything exciting happen today" Demand that your partner tell you about their excitement and their happenings even if they are boring. Hopefully then they will return the favor, this sparks so much conversation in your relationship and it shows that you really care about them. Resist the urge to jump in and start telling your story until they ask about it and if you can't wait just make sure to ask about their day after you are finished. We want to know that our beloved want to know about what we are doing it makes us know that they are thinking about us during the day.

Is love a perception or a feeling?

We have all heard at some point and time that love is a feeling. Love is caring about another individual as much if not more than yourself. We all strive to get that feeling and are comfortable when we feel we have it. Now my question is can you measure the amount of love one person has for another? If not then is love just your perception of that feeling? Take for example one person might cook dinner for their partner because they love them and wants them to have a good meal. To the next person that might just be one of the chores that they perform at their household. I question and wonder if the feeling comes first or the perception? If you can think your love is unconditional then maybe you think the feeling comes first. On the other hand however do we have to wait for the actions to show us that we are loved. It seems like the chicken and egg routine all over again. I personal feel like people view love in very different manners, and I believe that some people do feel the lover first and others need the perception first to validate the love. I think maybe if it is possible that it's a combination of the two. Happening at the exact same time that creates true love. This might be getting a little deep for you and I am not asking you to question your feelings and or love for your partner. I am just curious as to how we arrive at loving someone.

Discussing thing in a deeper Manner.

Do you know your partners views on life and death, what about their religious beliefs or feelings? Do they believe in evolution, or what about bigfoot, the loch ness monster, or aliens? How do they feel about dreams and their spirit? Most people I hope feel comfortable enough with their partners to let them know how they feel about these things. However, still several do not for fear of having a different opinion then the one they love. After all how could two people stay together is one believes in bigfoot and the other thinks it is just a guy in an ape suite? I joke but their is a lot of passion in discussing your believes no matter what they are on. The wonderful part about it is most likely we will never know the correct answers as long as we are on earth. We can have different views on what happens after death because we don't know for sure. The important thing is to discuss these feelings, explain them to your lover, and listen without judging to their views. This is a great way to get closer, excepting their side and their feelings will make you understand them a little better. This got started last night on our drive home from the John Edwards -Psychic Medium show we attended last night. My partner has very deep and thought out views on spirituality and I love to hear her explain them. The wonderful part about her is that she will listen to my views or won't laugh at my questions. I love these deep conversations with her we have been having them a lot lately and they have my mind thinking about things that I didn't even realize would have impact on my life. The point of all this is get to know your partner a little better and you don't have to agree 100% with them but it is nice to hear their feelings and passion about them.

You can find more on John Edwards by clicking here.

Special Note to my partner if you are reading this - "Thank you for the wonderful conversations we have, I love hearing your views and passions. Don't ever stop explaining your feelings to me. I love you"

Spend alone time together.

This might sound like the silliest thing ever. However you can be alone with someone in the same room. Reading together is one of those things you can do together but be totally apart in your time. Just being in the same room will make you feel like your relationship has grown and is improving. One thing you have to do to make this successful is to keep to yourself. Be together but don't interrupt each other by asking questions or speaking to your partner. Giving them solitude while you are with them takes a lot of self control. However to spend a couple of hours together in the same room while enjoying something on your own brings you closer to understanding each other. Try this exercise for the two of you set a timer for an hour get a book and read together and when you get really good you will be able to touch your partners foot or hand and still not invade there mind space. Being able to be apart while you are together is a challenge but a great wonderful way for a couple to have their space and love you too.

Speak my name!

Let me ask you this question how many times to you say your partners name? If you are like most couples you use pet names like babe, honey, sweetheart, etc to address the love of your life. For the next couple of days I want you to try speaking your partners name when you talk to them. For starters it will mix things up a bit and get them aroused that you are using their name. Do this even during any intimate or passion you might have between the two of you. When you climax call out their name, when you want to ask them a question use their name, or even when you are just talking to them use their name in the conversation. Their brain will pick up on this change and it will make them feel good knowing that your thoughts and speaking is directed at them and not just anyone. This might help keep your relationship in that beginning state before you were comfortable enough to use pet names. Mix it up a bit, because it might be a bit much to only use their name all the time, but the fun part will be to watch their reactions the first few times you do this.

"The Darla Show" on Twitter, Don't miss it.

If your are on Twitter during the evening you owe it to yourself and your relationship to take a peak at The Darla Show. Basically it combines a call radio type of format but incorporates it with Twitter. Viewers type in their questions and answer the questions that Darla post. The questions are about sex and relationship and are sometimes pretty humorous. I use it as a little research as well as just a relaxing time spent in front of the computer. The great part of this is that Darla's viewers are polite and considerate. You don't get people that are just being stupid and trying to disrupt the show. I love to hear what people around the world thing about the questions posed to them on the show. Darla keeps the talk flowing and adds her comments at just the right time. I personal think a couple should sit down together and answer the questions presented. It would be a great way to get somethings out in the open that maybe someone was afraid to bring up. So give The Darla Show a try tonight I am sure you will either learn something or at the very least laugh a little. By clicking on the title of this post you can quickly get to The Darla Show, just have your twitter user name and password ready. You can also check out some of the older posts to see what the show is about.

Research on Presents for Women

We ran a questionare and found what a sampling of women and what they thought the most romantic gift they could recieve would be. An overwhelming amout 45% to be exact said a trip would be the most romantic gift they could recieve. Second place went to lingere at 27% flowers and a massage both atained 9% of our vote. Still 10% of our voters checked the other catagorie. We would love to hear what those other things might be, so drop us a line and let us know what your favorite romantic present has been.

Play a game while not together

Here is a cute little thing to do if you can't be together. Maybe your at a conference or at work and you want to stay connected with your partner. Play a little game using your cell phones text messaging feature. The easiest way to do this is to text each other trivia questions. Grab some cards from your trivial pursuit game and take turns asking each other questions. This game can go on for hours and don't expect immediate responses. Type in your questions and when your partner gets a chance they will try to answer. If they guess right then it is their turn to type in the next question. If they get it wrong you have to reply with the correct answer and then they type the next question. Again this is a fun way to stay connected when you are apart. It doesn't tie you down or take much of your time. You just use short messages and leave it at that until you can check your phone again.

Any games with cards with questions on them will do. I mentioned trivia pursuit earlier, you could also use What Would you Do, or one of my favorites is "Loaded Questions" They even have similar game as iPhone applications that can give you several questions to ask. Your partner will feel great that you are thinking about them while you are apart. You can click on the title post to take you to the loaded questions web site to pick up one of their games. Make sure to tell them that The Couples Spot sent you. Make sure to check out the Adult Version of Loaded Questions shown above.

Game of Loaded Questions. (Click here to go to their Website)

I recently went to the book store and found a wonderful game it is called "Loaded Questions" The game is as simple as it can be you just ask the questions and both of you give your best answers. The best part of this game is no wrong or right answers they are all opinions. So you have to do some elaborating to explain your choices to your partner. Yes, there is a board and some strategies I am sure but we just threw out the game and kept the cards. The questions are simple and allow for silly answers. This is great game for couples or for a group. It allows you to laugh and communicate with each other. You might even find out some things you didn't know about your partner. Some of their question are as follows:

1. If you were invisible, where would you go?

2. Name one celebrity that has no right being a celebrity.

3. What two people would you most like to stand next to in a picture?

4. What fad did you pick up that you are most embarrassed about?

Not only do they have a basic version but they also have a political version, a kids version, and an ADULT version (I will have to order that one) I must say I really love this company's take on gaming they have some others you can view on their website, which you can get to by clicking on the title of this post.

You could make these questions up yourself if you are strapped for cash. I however think it better to spring for the game because they are going to hit a lot of subjects you might not think about.

As for what two people would I like to stand between in a picture. My choices would be Adam Sandler and Einstein that way I would be half way between funny and smart!

Contact Me if you would like some Help!

If any of you viewers has a question or a concern about your relationship, please don't hesitate to ask. I am here to help in whatever manner I can. Send me you questions and I will give you my take on the situation. Your correspondence will always be confidential and private.

Peace,
Rob