Do you really listen?

When you partner begins to talk about what they are interested in do you really listen? Are you interested in what they are saying and if not are you courteous enough to be interested in them? We have this flaw in our make up that only wants us to be interested in what WE are interested in. While our partner is talking about something they are passionate about we are in our mind wondering what time the game comes on, or how much work we have to do later. We don't really give them the courtesy of listening and trying to enjoy what they are diving into. Listen to your conversations and see if you quickly change the subject as your partner is discussing their topic. Here is a trick I have learned to try and get more involved in what my partner is speaking about. After you partner tells you about something that is of interest to them, ask a question about it. It doesn't have to be a in depth question but it does need to be one that seeks more understanding. Start making it a point to question you partner and get them to give you a little more information before you start talking about your interests. Doing this will not only show your partner that you care but it might just get you a little more understanding as to why they care.

What questions are you asking?

Relationships are give and take and they will always be that way. However I see many couples that don't want to explore each others worlds. We want to tell them about the wonderful or awful things that happen to us but how often do we ask them about things? What is your first course of actions in the morning? Do you ask your partner if they slept well or if they had any exciting dreams? When you get home from work what are your first words? The should be, "How was your day?" or "Anything exciting happen today" Demand that your partner tell you about their excitement and their happenings even if they are boring. Hopefully then they will return the favor, this sparks so much conversation in your relationship and it shows that you really care about them. Resist the urge to jump in and start telling your story until they ask about it and if you can't wait just make sure to ask about their day after you are finished. We want to know that our beloved want to know about what we are doing it makes us know that they are thinking about us during the day.

The Exchange

Just like in the spy movies we sometimes in a relationship have to have a little exchange. In the movies they put items in a briefcase then switch the cases then they are done. The go on their way, well maybe the get chased or shot at. In a relationship our briefcase is imaginary and the baggage we put it in is a lot more important. The exchange happens quite quickly and you have to keep your eyes peeled to see it. Just like in the movies it is a switching of items that one party had that the other one wants. In a relationship it happens like this. You might ask your partner for a neck massage and they might reply "I will massage your neck, if we get to watch the movie I want tonight" BAM the exchange is made and both parties get what they want. Sometimes this exchange might take a little more debt or bargaining. With a little practice and time you will quickly be doing this without even thinking about it. Now your relationship has become a game of espionage. That sounds a lot more sexy then just saying will you trade for this.

The Barter System

Sometimes we would love for our partner to do something for us but hate to ask them. You know if you have asked them massage your back a hundred times. You still want them to massage you but you feel like your taking advantage of them by asking. Well if you find yourself in this situation I suggest you use the barter system.

The barter system is a very old way people use to exchange goods and services. Farmers might need something from the local store but had no money to pay with. The farmer would then offer some of his products from his farm for the goods, things such as eggs, milk, or grain. So this is the system I want you to use.

Next time you want that massage, offer something up in return. Offer to cook them their favorite meal if they give you a 30 minute massage. Always set times or goals on the barters so that no one feels cheated. Because just saying give me a massage might mean a hour massage to you but might only mean a 15 minute one to him. Sometimes you might have to sweeten the offer to get what you want, but the nice part is you both win in this type of bartering.

Sexual favors works wonders in getting things you would like. So don't be shy ask for what you want and express what you will to give up. I am sure you will both feel great after the trade. You can extend your trades over days if need be based on the time you have available. Just make sure you always keep your end of the deal or the next time you barter you partner might balk a little.