Do you really listen?

When you partner begins to talk about what they are interested in do you really listen? Are you interested in what they are saying and if not are you courteous enough to be interested in them? We have this flaw in our make up that only wants us to be interested in what WE are interested in. While our partner is talking about something they are passionate about we are in our mind wondering what time the game comes on, or how much work we have to do later. We don't really give them the courtesy of listening and trying to enjoy what they are diving into. Listen to your conversations and see if you quickly change the subject as your partner is discussing their topic. Here is a trick I have learned to try and get more involved in what my partner is speaking about. After you partner tells you about something that is of interest to them, ask a question about it. It doesn't have to be a in depth question but it does need to be one that seeks more understanding. Start making it a point to question you partner and get them to give you a little more information before you start talking about your interests. Doing this will not only show your partner that you care but it might just get you a little more understanding as to why they care.

What questions are you asking?

Relationships are give and take and they will always be that way. However I see many couples that don't want to explore each others worlds. We want to tell them about the wonderful or awful things that happen to us but how often do we ask them about things? What is your first course of actions in the morning? Do you ask your partner if they slept well or if they had any exciting dreams? When you get home from work what are your first words? The should be, "How was your day?" or "Anything exciting happen today" Demand that your partner tell you about their excitement and their happenings even if they are boring. Hopefully then they will return the favor, this sparks so much conversation in your relationship and it shows that you really care about them. Resist the urge to jump in and start telling your story until they ask about it and if you can't wait just make sure to ask about their day after you are finished. We want to know that our beloved want to know about what we are doing it makes us know that they are thinking about us during the day.

Start your day off together at the breakfast table.

For most couples the start of the morning is hectic and a rush to get ready for work. You can break that tradition and get a more relaxed start to your day by getting up a little earlier and enjoying a small breakfast together. This will help get your relationship and day off to a much better start. It doesn't matter if you eat at home or go out the important part is you spend the time together in a relaxed state, talking and conversing with the person you love. This will help you get a much better start to the day then just jumping up and going. Sure no one wants to get up earlier but think about how it will change your day leaving for work in a relax state compared to one of disarray. The thing you have to remember is to spend the time together, not reading the paper or watching television. I want actual time spend talking or maybe just holding hands while you are eating. Take turns clearing the dishes while the other person hops in the shower or heck forget the dishes and shower together. Love and passion are one of the greatest gifts we are given so don't waste time avoiding them, dive in and get all you can.

"A relationship without passion is like a sword without a handle" - Zob

The quote in the title of this post bears a lot of weight into how you should be thinking about your relationship. Way to often in life we become comfortable and forget to work at one of the most treasured thing in our life, our relationships. We put them to the side for later or move them to the back burner hoping to get around to them sooner or later. Well this is the wrong way to keep a relationship healthy and active. You should do just the opposite, and let me tell you why. Your relationship dictates all your actions, you might think this is crazy but when you really think about it you know that it is true. After watching the movie The Secret, I soon realized that the power starts with you and those that are immediately involved in your life. This passion, if you will is like a snow ball and gains as it rolls down hill, and without passion you are at the bottom of the hill. How much harder is it to push that enlarging snowball up the hill? Chew on that for a minute. Try it out the next time you get a chance and really put some wonderful effort into your relationship, from every angle. Be loving, be caring, be sexual and be attentive and see what happens. I think you will find that your relationship will grow like a flower that gets all it needs to blossom in the warm summer sun. I am curious to hear from our audience as to how they feel on the subject so drop me a line at thecouplesspot@gmail.com Look forward to your comments.

Just like a garden you need to cultivate your relationship

Do you think that gardens just grow themselves without any assistance from the farmer? Sure you might get an occasional plant to sprout just by letting them grow wild but with a little care and attention that same plant will grow stronger and bigger. Same goes for your relationship. Are you putting time into your relationship, are you putting effort into it, and are you putting your relationship into perspective with all the other things going on in your life? Do you find yourself talking about things that bother you more then the things that make you happy? Well if you one of those people who let outside influences affect your relationship then you need to take a step back and realize that you are not giving your relationship the sun and water it needs to grow. You are putting a dark cloud over your relationship. How important do your rank your relationship? Most of us would say pretty high maybe behind children, would be the only thing in front of our relationship to most of us. However most of us spend way more time focusing on other things then our relationship. We put extra hours into work, exercise, and many other things then giving our relationships the time and respect it deserve. Basically we take them for granted, this is the fast track to losing this relationship. For example how much time do you spend in preparation for making love to your partner? Now compare that to how much time your spend preparing for work each morning. How much time do you spend on your cell phone when you are out together are you chit chatting with friends, family, or co-workers when you should be focusing on your partner and having a good time with them. I think most of us need to really look at how much effort we are putting into our relationships, and I am sure that most of your out there will feel like you can do more if you try just a little. Now get your watering can and roll up your sleeves and start today cultivating the best relationship you can.

Setting up your relationship for when it's just the two of you again.

Kids, work, friends, etc. the everyday hustle and bustle that keeps us busy, effects our relationship in many ways. One of these ways is that it takes time away from the two of you being a couple. Sure you find time to spend together, you have a date night, and you even find time to slip in a little one on one in the bedroom. What happens however when all the other distractions go away? Are you ready for the time when it is just the two of you? Think about it what happens when the kids have families of their own, and you are retired? It's back to just the two of you. It can be a highly stressful time if you have to regain that feeling of it just being the two of you. Remember back to a time when the world would just melt away when it was just the two of you, how you ached to get to see one another. Now is the time to start getting your relationship back in order. Start looking for things you can do together, visualize what it will be like when the two of you are alone for extended periods of time, are you going to move to opposite ends of the house or are you going to experience this time hand in hand. We get so caught up in what we are doing sometimes we forget how important our relationship is, we think of each other as an annoyance instead of the person we use to desire attention from. It's not to late make the commitment to get that loving feeling back again, find common interests and start planing together for this future that will come. You can spend your golden years sitting watching television and ignoring each other or with some planning now you can be dancing the tango with the person you fell in love with.

Too Tired For Your Partner?

I see it so many times -- people are stretched so thin.  They volunteer for everything and have nothing left for the people they love - especially their partners.

If you are too tired to enjoy your relationship when you and your partner have time to be together, then it is time you reevaluate what you are doing. Do you volunteer for the PTO or coach every thing under the sun?  Do you play softball all summer long or have to be involved in every fundraiser in the community? Do you find yourself telling your partner that you are too tired to stay up with him/her during the evening or that you just need to relax and chill during your time together?  If this happens time and again, you seriously need to view this from your partner's perspective.

 How do you think your partner feels if he/she asks you to watch a movie with him/her and you tell him/her you just need some sleep.   Yet, the three nights before you were out raising funds for the humane society, playing a softball game, and attending a committee meeting.  What about passing on a night of intimacy because you have to get up early the next morning to play golf with your friends?These are the type of events that can really hurt a relationship.  Nothing is wrong with doing any of these things, but when you can't make time for your relationship because of them you are not only affecting your partner, but your relationship as a whole.

I am assuming that the two of you are together because you love each other.  With that bond comes the respect that you owe to each other.  Do some planning and figure out the best times for the two of you and then don't let things get in the way of your love.  If you are repeatedly too tired to be with your partner, what you are really saying to him/her is, "Our relationship comes after all these other things I am doing."  Don't be that person.  Put stock in your relationship and move it up on your priority list.  You will be amazed at the difference this can make.

Give, Give, Give....

During this time of season we really think about needy people ones that are in our lives and ones that we know nothing about. Sometimes I tear up hearing about a child that doesn't have enough to eat or that hasn't any parents at this time of year. It's hard enough to make ends meet and get everything done we need to do but can you imagine not even having the means to complete the most basic tasks, like brushing your teeth? I know this holiday I am going to put a little extra effort into giving. Go out and when you pick up your basic needs such as toothpaste, pick up an extra tube and drop it off at the homeless shelter. Cleaning out your closet for new Christmas clothes take them to a place that gives them to the needy. Volunteer you time to help serve dinner at a shelter and make donations to organizations that need funding. This way when you are snuggled up with your sweetheart in your nice warm house you will get an even better feeling by knowing that you helped someone less fortunate. Get your partner involved and your kids if you have any, you won't believe the wonderful feeling it gives you to help someone that is down on their luck. Believe me you will see the appreciation in their eyes. Then don't forget about this feeling the rest of the year.

Make a Date Night.

I hate saying this over and over but our lifes are so busy that unless we spacifically set times to do things a lot of times we never get around to them. With that said I want you to pick a day of the week that the two of you can have a date. I am not talking about going out with the kids to Chuckie Cheese. I want the two of you to have a time for yourselves. Find a great babysitter if need be and make it a standing arrangement that they will watch the children every week at this time. Find something that works best in your schedule. Maybe the daytime works better for the two of you, or early morning. The only requirement is that you have time for the two of you to spend together. No talking about bills or children or problems. Just the two of you enjoying why you got into a relationship to begin with. Reconnect and start living your love life all over again. Believe me most people don't see that their relationship is slipping but these date night will get you back on the straight and narrow.

I understand things pop up and kids get sick. If those things happen they you need to find a substitute day to have you date. Never just forget it, if nothing else works just plop some lawn chairs outside and star gaze. You relationship is important and so is your partner so make time for them today. You will be glad you did.

Fishing for Conversation.

Need an activity that helps improve your conversation between the two of you? Try Fishing, fishing allows plenty of time to get to know each other again. You most often have long periods of quiet time that allows for conversation to fill it. You don't see people just sitting quietly while they are fishing. This makes for a great time to talk about something important also. You are usually secluded in a way from the rest of the world. You can be on the banks of a lake or out in your boat and it is like you are the only two people on earth. Sure you will have to cast or reel in a big fish from time to time. The conversation time is all the time you are waiting for these things to happen.

So if you need to talk or just get reacquainted, grab your fishing pole and some bait and head out to the lake. Most likely you will come back with a better understanding of each other. Plus fishing is rated as one of the most relaxing things you can do, so it has double the benefits.