Connect Through Your Past - The Soulmate Experience

We want to thank Mali Apple and Joe Dunn for sharing an excerpt of their book, The Soulmate Experience with us.  

CONNECT THROUGH YOUR PREVIOUS EXPERIENCES

Our past experiences have the potential to greatly contribute to our relationship. Many of us, though, are uncomfortable hearing about our partner’s previous lovers and sexual encounters. We may be inclined to judge our romantic and sexual experiences against theirs or to compare ourselves to their past lovers. We may be concerned if our partner expresses appreciation or affection for a former lover. Many couples, usually through an unspoken agreement, simply avoid the topic altogether.

Some people, while intrigued by their partner’s previous intimacies and the idea of sharing their own, have either been conditioned to stay clear of the subject or don’t think their partner would be receptive. Other people would be comfortable relating their own stories, but would rather avoid the insecurities that would surface if they listen to their partner’s.

Because many of us tend to experience jealousy in these situations, we’re often advised to be cautious about which experiences we share and how much we reveal. We’re warned not to say anything that could make our partner feel inadequate or insecure. But if we set up our relationships so that we must censor ourselves and try to anticipate and avoid whatever might trigger our partner’s jealousy, we may never know the profound intimacy that’s at the heart of a truly connected relationship.

When we have the tools and the intentions in place to heal any uncomfortable feelings that surface, sharing our past romances and sexual encounters with our lover can be a path to deeper intimacy. Revealing aspects of ourselves that we normally keep hidden, and exploring them with the person we love, is true intimacy. A safe, loving space is also an ideal environment for investigating and beginning to heal painful memories or lingering wounds from sexual experiences that were embarrassing, diminishing, or traumatic. Through this process, you might also be inspired to investigate them further with the help of a coach or counselor.

If you and your partner decide to try sharing your memories and experiences, it will be a very personal process. When you’re the storyteller, you might paint a scene for your partner by describing the setting and how you were feeling. When you’re the listener, you might just offer your partner your loving presence, listening fully and letting go of any opinions, judgments, or agenda. Or you might ask questions that encourage your partner to explore the memory more deeply. Whatever approaches the two of you take, have an intention to stay completely connected. If uncomfortable feelings are triggered, turning your attention to exploring and healing them can be a truly loving experience.

As you connect through your intimate stories, your relationship circle will expand to embrace your previous experiences. Instead of feeling separate from each other’s past, you will be drawing on those pasts to contribute to your present—together.

Excerpted with permission from The Soulmate Experience: A Practical Guide to Creating Extraordinary Relationships by Mali Apple and Joe Dunn. This bestselling book won a 2012 International Book Awards gold medal and a 2012 Living Now Awards silver medal. Mali and Joe are currently deep in the creation process of the second book in “The Soulmate Experience” series, The Soulmate Lover.

Click here to get your copy of Mali and Joe's book, The Soulmate Experience.

Photo credit: © Maksim Toome - Fotolia.com

Change your scent to help excitement a little.

I love to breath in my partner. The freshness of her coming into my body is an amazing feeling. However it is nice from time to time when she puts on lotion or perfume to get a different scent from her. It can be an erotic experience, say for instance when she uses her vanilla lotion. This change of scent peaks my interest. My nose becomes aware that something is different and that while it is not her essence I am soaking in, it is a pleasurable one. Try out different scents and see how your partner reacts to them. This goes for the men as well as the women. Purchase several different types of body wash or lotions and keep track of which ones your partner likes the best. You might even find that you get certain reactions from certain scents. Real estate agents have long used the trick of filling a house with a scent to help make it more attractive for sale. Now you can use the same tactic to help tantalise your lover.

Couples Sports.

There are lots of things you can enjoy together as a couple. Many of those things involve sports. Participating in a sport together can bring you closer and also be a fun activity to break up the everyday struggles of life. There are lots of sport to choose from, like golf, tennis, or dancing. However you might want to break away from the normal sports that the two of you can participate in and look for something different. Hiking, snorkeling, or weight lifting are sports that you don't do every day but they can build a relationship as you learn and become better at them. Turn it into a passion for the both of you. Research the gear you need compete in your new found love. Once the two of you are comfortable with your new activity you might want to look for other couples to enjoy it with also. Join group functions for you activity and get the big picture of how many others love it also. Not only will you forge new friendships but you will build the one between the two of you.

Sex in a relationship is much more then it appears.

Within a loving and mutual relationship sex takes on a whole new meaning. It isn't just a pleasure of the flesh it becomes a ritual of love and a dance of the souls. Think about how you feel after you make love to your partner. Most generally you are in a sense of relaxation and comfort. Next time you make love take some mental notes on how great you feel how and the power that you have connected with your partner. Within a relationship sex is a real wonder drug not only does it bring you closer to each other but it connects the power within both of you. Forming a supper being if you will. This is why I would suggest that coupes experiment with different aspects of sex. Try different positions, explore you bodies don't get stuck doing it the same way over and over. The more you find that excites you the more the charge you will get from it afterwards. Sex in a wonderful relationship has a way of slowing down time and giving you that confidence to go out and tackle the world. Few things in the life are as pleasurable as the love and passion of your partner. That is by design, that is why we search so hard for the person that is just right for us, that person that we want to find enlightenment with. Intimacy brings together all the abilities in both of you and combines them making the bond of love the greatest power in the universe.

Setting up your relationship for when it's just the two of you again.

Kids, work, friends, etc. the everyday hustle and bustle that keeps us busy, effects our relationship in many ways. One of these ways is that it takes time away from the two of you being a couple. Sure you find time to spend together, you have a date night, and you even find time to slip in a little one on one in the bedroom. What happens however when all the other distractions go away? Are you ready for the time when it is just the two of you? Think about it what happens when the kids have families of their own, and you are retired? It's back to just the two of you. It can be a highly stressful time if you have to regain that feeling of it just being the two of you. Remember back to a time when the world would just melt away when it was just the two of you, how you ached to get to see one another. Now is the time to start getting your relationship back in order. Start looking for things you can do together, visualize what it will be like when the two of you are alone for extended periods of time, are you going to move to opposite ends of the house or are you going to experience this time hand in hand. We get so caught up in what we are doing sometimes we forget how important our relationship is, we think of each other as an annoyance instead of the person we use to desire attention from. It's not to late make the commitment to get that loving feeling back again, find common interests and start planing together for this future that will come. You can spend your golden years sitting watching television and ignoring each other or with some planning now you can be dancing the tango with the person you fell in love with.

Is Foreplay Foreign to you?

Foreplay is always in everyone’s sexual vocabulary but do you really enjoy it or is it just part of the process. In my opinion foreplay should be a large part of any sexual experience. When you think about it the actual act of sex doesn’t last very long, but when you add the foreplay in you can make sex last a very long time. Most women can benefit from extended foreplay as in most cases it takes women a little longer to get heated up. You should explore many different types of foreplay and don’t get into a routine of doing the same thing over and over. This is easy to do when we find something that works. Set up signals or simply say when you like something, unless your partner is a mind reader they might not automatically know what feels good to you Remember this also, foreplay can encompass the whole body not just the genitals. Any were from the feet to the scalp can be an erogenous zone. The one performing the foreplay can use different parts of their body to heighten the mood, fingers, tongues, and lips are the normal ones but feet and forearms work to stimulate places also. A good thigh position can enhance your foreplay in many ways. If you want to know more pick up some reading material that will help you explore erogenous areas on the body. Another great idea is to set up an amount of time before any penetration can happen, I would suggest a half hour to start with and see what happens. Remember foreplay is for you and for you partner so use it to the max.

Increase your sex life with a little education

Many of us think we know all the sex tricks out in the world today. I am sure you know plenty if you are into your relationship like most people that view this blog. However, I don't think as in anything you can ever know or learn to much. I want to suggest you and your partner pick up some reading material on the subject of sex and love and read it together. You might not get anything out of the book or maybe you will learn something that will set your loins on fire. The point is you never know until you try and learning with your partner might spark more then the reading material ever could. A recent purchase that has brought some pleasure into my life is a book called Red Hot Touch (Click the title of this post to go to the web sire) you can also find in in my amazon side bar. The book has lead to some laughing and experimenting for myself and I feel it could help many a relationship. Now go out buy a backpack and some folders pick up the Red Hot Touch book at amazon and start your classes today!