Don't forget to be friends in your relationship.

One of the biggest problems I feel happen in a relationship is that we lose sight of how important our friendship is with each other. We become a couple and now we aren't friends any longer we become partners and lovers. We forget that we had a make a bond first and that was becoming friends. We did things together, we talked, we enjoyed each others company, so why should we stop doing those things. We can still have intimacy, take on the daily tasks of living and be friends. Why do so many couples not get this! Set up dates have nights of fun laughing until the sun comes up, start remembering what it was like to build that friendship during the very early part of your relationship. I am sure if you think back that if the friendship wasn't there your relationship wouldn't be where it is today? Think about that for a while and you will see just how important remaining friends is.

Let you partner know you are talking good about them.

You won't believe what my husband did....

We all are curious about how are partner talks about us when they are not around us. We wonder to they bash us and only tell their friends about the not so good things we do. Could be possible that they are speaking like we are a saint? There is no way to tell for sure unless you overhear a conversation and hard as it is that is eavesdropping and isn't right. This is where we can tell our partner when we talk good about them. Let them know that you told your girlfriends how romantic they are or when you tell the guys how you have the best partner in the world. Tell them specifics like, "The other day the girls went nuts when I showed them the note you left me when you went on your trip" or "All the guys are so jealous of me because I told them about you sitting up that special trip to the ballpark for me" We so often have an vision of your partner belittling us because that is what we see on television. Another good reason to pitch the television. The programs and talk shows are full of people talking about the terrible things their lovers do. Maybe we should start a show called "How great my lover is" that lets people talk about the good in their relationship. No fights just proud partners expressing how wonderful their partner is. Now I might watch that show to pick up some extra wonderful things to do. Go a step farther and ask you friends when they are bashing their mate, "Does you partner do anything that pleases you?" Get them searching their mind for positive things and you might just chance a persons whole day.

Full of Anniversaries

Well today as I am writing it is my 8Th anniversary with my partner. I have been blessed with a wonderful person that I am spending my life with. Just like all couples we have our problems and it isn't always a bed of roses. However the wonderful times by far outweigh the not so good times. I think back to all those great times we have had like the day we were married, the birth of our son, and how we have overcome struggles. Yet, as I reminisce about our memories the ones that make me smile are the little things we do together. The times we act silly together, like when we stay up asking each other silly questions, or just touching each other as we sleep. Those things are so small but so important to me. I also love it when we watch a movie and then quote lines to each other during the following days, and we are the only ones that have a clue to what we are talking about. There are so many simple little things that make our relationship special that it would be impossible to list them all. My point to you is, don't over look the little things we you are evaluating your relationship. The simple little things sure to add up when you are in love. In closing I would just like to tell my partner that she is the most amazing woman, and I am more in love with her today then the day we were married. XOXOXOX

I also want to pat myself on the back because yesterday's post was our 500th. I hope we are helping to improve your relationship. To me a good relationship is the building block for not only your life together but everything that touches our lives.

Find other couples friends.

We all come into a relationship with our friends and like them or not it is part of being in a relationship to deal with them. The best thing that can happen is they get in a relationship, also. Then you can do things together as a couple and maybe just maybe the other partners will get along or become closer. As your relationship gets longer and times change you need to look for friends that are couples. Ones that are dedicated to being a couple and have a strong relationship. The people can help your relationship out greatly. For starters you can do couples things with them like going out or just hanging out talking. You will have similar interests especially if both couples have children. A good place to look for these couples is at your child's school having kids the same age is a big plus. You can even form a co-op with them and take turns watching the children so the other couple can have a date and not have to spring for a babysitter. Couples can offer support to each other to get through hard times. The bigger your ring of couples the better because you might have certain couples you enjoy going to shows with and others that you can experience the outdoors with. Open your relationship up to other couples and build a foundation of great friends it can make your relationship so much stronger.

Furniture Picks

When picking out furniture, don't forget to keep your relationship in mind. We all want nice large pieces of furniture that give us room to spread out and get comfortable. The huge sectional couches that allow everyone their own space is nice. However do you always want to be spread out? Are there not times when you want to get close? Well you should pick out some furniture that lets you do that. Even the names of some of this furniture increases the romance in your relationship. Pieces like the love seat or a cuddle chair just scream for closeness for a couple. Heck you can even get a bean bag chair built for two. Use this piece of furniture as you sanctuary. It is your chair for the two of you make it a point to use it during movies when you need to talk or just want to cuddle. Yes you can get the huge couch but pick out a little spot for the two of you at the same time.

What questions are you asking?

Relationships are give and take and they will always be that way. However I see many couples that don't want to explore each others worlds. We want to tell them about the wonderful or awful things that happen to us but how often do we ask them about things? What is your first course of actions in the morning? Do you ask your partner if they slept well or if they had any exciting dreams? When you get home from work what are your first words? The should be, "How was your day?" or "Anything exciting happen today" Demand that your partner tell you about their excitement and their happenings even if they are boring. Hopefully then they will return the favor, this sparks so much conversation in your relationship and it shows that you really care about them. Resist the urge to jump in and start telling your story until they ask about it and if you can't wait just make sure to ask about their day after you are finished. We want to know that our beloved want to know about what we are doing it makes us know that they are thinking about us during the day.

Couples Education

We tend to think of education as a individual thing. Where one of us goes off to learn something, maybe we talk about it later at some point. The basis is still on the individual. I however want to challenge you to learn something together. You don't have to go out and find an expensive class that you both have to take but find a subject that you both feel would improver your relationship and start doing some research. There are several ways to learn about things that do not really cost much at all. For starters once you pick your subject then you can find loads of information at your local library. Here is the amazing part if you get a library card they will let you take the book home for a couples of weeks!!!! So use your local library to learn. Another great way to find information on your subject is the internet it is easy and fast and is most likely in your home at the current time if not the amazing library usually has computers with internet access you can use for FREEEEEE. You might wonder what type of subject you can study as a couple and I laugh because all subjects can be studied as a couple. Here is just a few that pop into my head currently: Photography, Tantric Sex, Geocaching, exercise, nutrition, cooking, personal finance, investing, massage, baseball, ....

I could go on and on and on but I think you are getting the message. Pick something that the two of you will hold dear and be passionate about then watch how it improves all areas of your relationship.

Have your own special place.

Being a couple it is important to have a space all to yourselves. Sure you bedroom is a great start but that is what everyone has. What I am talking about is a place the two of you can go to talk and just be together with not much distraction. We use our deck in the summer time, sitting out late at night after the kids are asleep, maybe have a glass of wine or a drink. The magical part of this is it gives us a chance to talk just between the two of use. No one else enters this little sanctuary of ours. We might snuggle up under blankets or touch feet on a warm summer night. The conversation is the great part we try to stay away from the normal everyday troubles and let our minds wander. Getting into deep conversations. Find your place to do this with you partner, it might be your deck or a park somewhere, you could even just take a walk together. This breeds your relationship making it stronger and stronger. As busy as our lives get we always need to make sure to time for each other, intimately and intellectually.

Driving and Talking.

One of the best things you can do to to improve the communication in your relationship is to turn off the radio while you are driving. Make it a point to converse during any drive that you take, especially the longer ones. It might be easy to turn on the radio and zone out but where does that get you. Pick some topics before you leave to discuss, avoid things with a personal feel, like your children, bills, work etc. Pick something out of the news and discuss your feelings on it. You might find that you take the longer way to get more discussion time.

Spend alone time together.

This might sound like the silliest thing ever. However you can be alone with someone in the same room. Reading together is one of those things you can do together but be totally apart in your time. Just being in the same room will make you feel like your relationship has grown and is improving. One thing you have to do to make this successful is to keep to yourself. Be together but don't interrupt each other by asking questions or speaking to your partner. Giving them solitude while you are with them takes a lot of self control. However to spend a couple of hours together in the same room while enjoying something on your own brings you closer to understanding each other. Try this exercise for the two of you set a timer for an hour get a book and read together and when you get really good you will be able to touch your partners foot or hand and still not invade there mind space. Being able to be apart while you are together is a challenge but a great wonderful way for a couple to have their space and love you too.

Make a Date Night.

I hate saying this over and over but our lifes are so busy that unless we spacifically set times to do things a lot of times we never get around to them. With that said I want you to pick a day of the week that the two of you can have a date. I am not talking about going out with the kids to Chuckie Cheese. I want the two of you to have a time for yourselves. Find a great babysitter if need be and make it a standing arrangement that they will watch the children every week at this time. Find something that works best in your schedule. Maybe the daytime works better for the two of you, or early morning. The only requirement is that you have time for the two of you to spend together. No talking about bills or children or problems. Just the two of you enjoying why you got into a relationship to begin with. Reconnect and start living your love life all over again. Believe me most people don't see that their relationship is slipping but these date night will get you back on the straight and narrow.

I understand things pop up and kids get sick. If those things happen they you need to find a substitute day to have you date. Never just forget it, if nothing else works just plop some lawn chairs outside and star gaze. You relationship is important and so is your partner so make time for them today. You will be glad you did.

Communication 101

Communication 101

 

We all hear that communication is one of the most important things in a relationship.  I don't think anyone can debate that.  However, what if you are not the best talker or you have to think your feelings out before you say them?   You partner thinks you are just being silent.  Yet, you are trying not to say the wrong thing.  If one partner is used to speaking his/her mind, it is hard for the other to get his/her feelings out.  Most often what happens is the easy speaking partner will jump into the conversation before the less assertive partner finishes his/her thought.  To communicate when this is the problem takes effort on both of the people in the relationship.  The more timid speaker of the two has to get his/her courage up and his/her in order before speaking, and the more assertive speaker has to back off a little and let the other partner speak at his/her own speed. 

 

Still, even at best there will still be some communication problems.  Some things I might suggest to help with communication are as follows.  First, try sitting back to back when you need to have a heated discussion.  Sit with your backs touching, this at least gives both of you some comfort as touch is another important part of a relationship.  Some people will be able to speak more from the heart when not having someone staring at him/her waiting for a reply.  If sitting back to back doesn't work, you might try to write your conversation out or since we live in modern times text each other or instant message each other from another room.  Something about conversing over the Internet gives people freedom from their fears of speaking.  But, also be cautious of texting or emailing as one’s tone cannot be understood via written words.  If neither one of these ideas work, you can as a last resort try a mediator.  If you have a close mutual friend you feel comfortable with, let him/her sit in on your communication or you can even get a counselor that can referee your conversations.  I only suggest counseling if you issues are threatening your relationship.   

 

In closing, remember that words can hurt just as much as physical pain – often times more.  If you never have kind words to express to your partner, he/she will feel less of a person and it could spin your relationship towards trouble.  If you need more help or assistance finding communication help, get online and do some searching.  I really like a gentleman that goes by the title "The Tower of Power".  Joshua  Uebergang is his real name, and you can find his web site athttp://www.towerofpower.com.au/