Learn A New Language

Speaking Kind Words: Improve your relationship with heartfelt words.

Okay lovers can improve their relationship just by changing the language they use.  This book doesn't teach you a new language, it teaches you how to speak the words of love.  Right from the start you will begin to see an improvement in your relationship.  This was one of the beginning steps to getting our relationship on track.  

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Description:

Relationships suffer greatly when partners no longer speak kind and loving words to one another. Saying the same words over and over, day in and day out, can become common place and those once powerful words lose some of their potency. In fact, do you remember the phrase, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me?" That really isn't true. Not only can words hurt, but so can the lack of kind and loving words. Husband and wife team, Rob and Janelle Alex, share with you a method to bring back and even add new loving words to your relationship. Following the approach presented in Speaking Kind Words will improve and bring a new outlook to your relationship.

Getting through tough days in your relationship.

Every relationship has days that you seem like you are unappreciated or that you don't get exactly what you want. This is normal and everyone feels that way from time to time. This is the time that you need to count your blessings. Yes, I mean literally counting your blessings. Sit down and thing about the things that your partner does that are important to you, or that just make you feel good. You quickly start to balance out those negative thoughts you are having with positive ones. Soon the scale will be tipped in the favor of the positive thoughts as your mind starting thinking of the more detailed things. Things like making you dinner, or doing the laundry, or that time he/she made passionate love to you last week. This is how you keep those negative thoughts in check. Once you start to compare them to the wonderful things you partner does you will quickly put your uneasiness to rest.

Let you partner know you are talking good about them.

You won't believe what my husband did....

We all are curious about how are partner talks about us when they are not around us. We wonder to they bash us and only tell their friends about the not so good things we do. Could be possible that they are speaking like we are a saint? There is no way to tell for sure unless you overhear a conversation and hard as it is that is eavesdropping and isn't right. This is where we can tell our partner when we talk good about them. Let them know that you told your girlfriends how romantic they are or when you tell the guys how you have the best partner in the world. Tell them specifics like, "The other day the girls went nuts when I showed them the note you left me when you went on your trip" or "All the guys are so jealous of me because I told them about you sitting up that special trip to the ballpark for me" We so often have an vision of your partner belittling us because that is what we see on television. Another good reason to pitch the television. The programs and talk shows are full of people talking about the terrible things their lovers do. Maybe we should start a show called "How great my lover is" that lets people talk about the good in their relationship. No fights just proud partners expressing how wonderful their partner is. Now I might watch that show to pick up some extra wonderful things to do. Go a step farther and ask you friends when they are bashing their mate, "Does you partner do anything that pleases you?" Get them searching their mind for positive things and you might just chance a persons whole day.

Make your feeling known by using signs.

It is hard to figure out men and it is hard to figure out women. Now throw in a wonderful relationship and you have to constantly try to figure things out. There is a great way to inform you partner of you wants or desires without just blurting them out. Some people are uncomfortable with just speaking their feelings, but since this is the best way to get your feelings across, what do you do? Well I want to suggest making up signs for things so that you partner doesn't have to guess what you want or desire. You can have as many of these signs as you want just make sure they are clear and to the point for you mate. For instance if you are feeling like a little intimacy hang your bra or underwear on the bedroom door. Once you partner sees this they know you intentions and don't have to wonder if your in the mood or not. Say you feel like going on a date, you could lay out the movie ads with your keys placed on them. Maybe you need some alone time, then borrow a do not disturb sign from a hotel and give that to your partner so they know you don't want to be disturbed. You can make up as many of these bold statements as you want and you might just find that you partner will do the same. You will eliminate the asking over and over again for things. Plus you will get right to the point when you want something.

Speak my name!

Let me ask you this question how many times to you say your partners name? If you are like most couples you use pet names like babe, honey, sweetheart, etc to address the love of your life. For the next couple of days I want you to try speaking your partners name when you talk to them. For starters it will mix things up a bit and get them aroused that you are using their name. Do this even during any intimate or passion you might have between the two of you. When you climax call out their name, when you want to ask them a question use their name, or even when you are just talking to them use their name in the conversation. Their brain will pick up on this change and it will make them feel good knowing that your thoughts and speaking is directed at them and not just anyone. This might help keep your relationship in that beginning state before you were comfortable enough to use pet names. Mix it up a bit, because it might be a bit much to only use their name all the time, but the fun part will be to watch their reactions the first few times you do this.

Are you good to lean on during troubled times?

Part of being in a relationship is being there for you partner when they need you. Do you offer support and encouragement for them when things are bothering them? If not you need to step back and take a look at this today. Don't ignore even a little problem you partner has if nothing else listening will help. Avoid saying things like that is silly or anything that would belittle their concerns. If you do feel like they are wrong in their thinking try to get them to look at it in a different angle. Put a twist on it so that they can see the other side of the situation. With some good communication skills you will be the rock in your relationship. This will also open up the lines of other communication that is so important in a relationship. If you partner feels they can't be comfortable telling you their concerns then you are shutting down an important part of your relationship. Open you ears and listen totally before you make any suggestion or solutions, sometimes the answer will present itself once they speak their mind.

Fights are like weeds in your garden!

Farmers can grow the most perfect garden in the world but occasionally a few weeds will pop up. This is the same with fights in your relationship, no matter how strong your relationship is from time to time a fight will break out. Usually these will take the form of an argument and they can be short lived or long and drawn out, that is up to the individuals. If you go into a relationship with the delusion of never having a fight then you are not very realistic. Fights sometimes help clear the air and get things out in the open. There are some important things you need to know when a fight does accrue. First and for most stay away from personal attacks, don't just throw things out in the middle of an argument that don't pertain to the situation. Things like your fat, or stupid or both fat and stupid are not important and will really harm your relationship down the road. Stick with the subject and focus on that. Second, don't let the fight consume you so that you break down the lines of communication, not speaking to each other is the worst type of fight because no resolution will ever be made. If you need time to get away from the situation take a little but make sure to let your partner know how long you will be gone. Lastly and this is a hard one, try to wait for make up sex until the day after you make up. You don't want to associate great sex with a fight and you don't want to fall into that trap of, "we need to fight to have great sex" Set your boundaries and agree at a time when you are not fighting that disagreements will not ruin your relationship, set up a way to discuss the issues in a calm manner so that both partners get a say in the outcome. With a little work your fights can become little more then heated debates.

Artwork above titled Disagreement between Sum of all Parts by Jeff Tanger

Arguing 101

Arguing 101

One of the most important things a couple must do is argue correctly. This is a very hard mission for a lot of couples. As both partners must get their point out and we are so very unlikely to listen to another point of view other then our own.

So the most basic part of an argument is to let each other get your point across. You may not like what the other partner has to say but you owe it to them to listen. So without a doubt part of arguing is listening and finding a way to compromise each others points of view. Once you can master this you are ready to move into the actual argument or as I like to say it debate. Yelling is not necessary and you should respect the others feelings even if you think they are wrong.

Want to test your Relationship? Then Remodel.

Do you want to get a true test as to what your relationship can take? Then take on any type of remodeling project together. There is something about having to work on the same project within your home that brings out the worst in each other. Weather it's that you can't decide on the right paint color. Maybe you both do the same job in different ways. Believe me their are plenty of challenges to a relationship during do it yourself projects. If you relationship can survive this then you can bet it's a pretty strong relationship.

So many times couples end up not speaking to each other during the remodel. Tempers flare and sometimes we say things before we think about them. So my advice is, If you see that you are going to struggle doing the project together you have two options. The first one is hire someone to complete the job, that way no feelings get hurt and the job gets done very quickly. Yes it will cost you money but think of the time it will save you from being mad at each other. The second option would be don't do it together. One of you work on that project while the other works on a different project in the house. Meet up once in a while for breaks and supper and to keep each other informed on your progress.

With two different people wanting to compete the same chore in two different ways there are bound to be scuffles. The main point is to get the project done and sometimes you just need to back away and let them do it their way. After all if it gets done that is the main goal. So as a test remodel some part of your dwelling with you partner and see how strong the two of you are.