Love is the answer!

We all have those times in our life where things are not going as well as they should. Our jobs suck, the kids are driving us crazy, our families are out of control what ever they problem you should always turn to your love for stability. Use your relationship with your partner as a grounding point. Turn to that love you have anytime something is bothering you or stressing you and soon the problem will pass. There is a special energy between two people in love that forms a protective barrier against painful and stressful situations. Use that energy to help guide you, do shy away from it saying you are to stressed or can handle love right now. That is a sure way to keep the stress around you. Use love and intimacy as a vitamin for your life. Love and intimacy give you the special feeling you need to put your problems into perspective and to get past them. I will be commenting more on this energy of love in future post because I think people look the wrong way when they need help. All the help you need is in your relationship and they love it holds for you. Look into you partners eyes and see how much safety there is in them.

Sometimes you just have to get mad

Sometimes you just have to get mad. Does't matter if you are in traffic or at home. You just have to let it out sometimes. This way you don't explode later for no reason. Direct your anger at what makes you angry and leave your relationship out of it. We tend to dump our problems into our relationship because it is comfortable and easy to do. Our partner tries to understand but sometimes it is just way to hard. Think about that next time you fly off the handle at your partner because work was bad. Did they cause the situation or are you just directing your anger at them? Chew on that next time.

Spin off site coming soon.

With the success of THE COUPLES SPOT we wanted to try to do a little more in the area of relationship improvement. Thus we are getting prepared to start a more direct relationship help site. The difference between this and other sites is that we are going to start strengthening your relationship, marriage, or partnership before troubles arise. We want to build immunity to those things that ruin relationship. Much like exercise helps the body avoid health issues. You can check out the start of or progress by clicking here - ZOB ALEX - PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP TRAINER I hope that you will check it out and give it a try we are about a month away from full launch so check in often and let us know what you think.

We could also use any questions you might have or areas of discussion you might want to bring up on the site. You can email your questions to me at thecouplesspot@gmail.com and I will be happy to respond to them.

What to do when things are going bad!

Never discuss problems in the bedroom, they should never enter your thoughts when you in this area that is designated for love.

What do you do as a couple when things are going bad in your life. These things can make it tense in your relationship and can even cause problems, which is the last things the two of you need. When things get tough the one thing you need to do as a couple is pull together. Make your relationship the rock in your rocky world right now. No matter what is going on in your life, being able to come home and be comforted and able to leave all the stress at the door is a big plus. No matter if it's problems at work, troubles with your parents, or even financial troubles. Make it a point to talk about them outside of the house and leave them their when you come back in through the door. Go out to eat and discuss your troubles over a meal,or go to the park and find a bench somewhere, or you can even just take a drive to discuss the situation. No matter what it is get it all out and talk about it before you come back home. Once home put your focus into being the couple that you are, support each other and make sure to layer on the love and affection for each other. Make your home the safe haven it should be for the two of you.

Our Stress

Once you become a couple you have to share almost everything. Stress is one of these things that has to be shared. No matter whose has the stress it creeps into both of your lives. When one partner is stressed the other will surely feel the effects of this stress. The other partner might be grouchy or upset, or they might with drawl totally form the relationship for a while. The best method to combat this is take the stress on head first. Dive into the problem that is effecting your partner and see if you can help with a solution or just be an open ear to listen. Sometimes just getting the stress out in the open is enough for your partner to start feeling less stressed. Sometimes their stress demands attraction, don't try to avoid the stress that only makes it worse on both of you. Try to come to a solution and work around it the best you can. Once the stress passes you partner will be so greatfull to you that they might treat you a little special for putting up with their stress problems. If you think you will never have stress in your relationship you are in for a big surprise. No matter how comfortable you are something somewhere, some time will bring the ugly stress monster into your life.

Are you good to lean on during troubled times?

Part of being in a relationship is being there for you partner when they need you. Do you offer support and encouragement for them when things are bothering them? If not you need to step back and take a look at this today. Don't ignore even a little problem you partner has if nothing else listening will help. Avoid saying things like that is silly or anything that would belittle their concerns. If you do feel like they are wrong in their thinking try to get them to look at it in a different angle. Put a twist on it so that they can see the other side of the situation. With some good communication skills you will be the rock in your relationship. This will also open up the lines of other communication that is so important in a relationship. If you partner feels they can't be comfortable telling you their concerns then you are shutting down an important part of your relationship. Open you ears and listen totally before you make any suggestion or solutions, sometimes the answer will present itself once they speak their mind.

Quit making excuses.

Today is the day to start leaving the excuses behind. This goes for everything from your relationship, your future, your parenting, to your sex life. Stop hiding behind those excuses that you have build into your defense system. No more fears, sickness, whining, all you need is a boost of confidence. Here is a stat that got me off my butt and got me moving on my blogs and writing, most people fail at what they are doing, the success stories are about 1 in 1000. My feeling is if I try 1000 things then one of them will work and put me over the top. This goes for all your relationship need also. Most people will give up right before they get to that one thing that changes everything. I feel that this is the case in most divorces, that these people are just on the edge of getting into their groove when they decide it's not worth it. This is my message to your don't give up so easy, as long as there is no abuse or anything else that would put you in danger. Put forth the best effort you can at building the best relationship you can. Stop doing those things that are harming you relationship. Lower you defenses and replace them with effort. Go get counseling if you need it, suck it up. If sex is your problem make a commitment to start putting more effort into finding what works for the two of you. If you don't thing your parenting skills are as good as they could be then get your ass out their and read parenting books or scour the internet and find the information you need to make yourself the best parent you can be. Here is the secret to overcoming every problem that faces you in a relationship, are you ready? "Never stop trying to improve"

Communication Exercises

Communication is and always will be a hurdle in a relationship. We often have trouble communicating our wishes to our partner. Sometimes we fear hurting his/her feelings or we are afraid of being rejected by him/her and having our own feelings hurt.

Here is a little communication exercise that they two of you can implement into your relationship.
It will help clear up some communication problems. In my opinion, one of the biggest problems in a relationship is that one person is more out spoken than the other. This leads to discussions being one sided and the other person not being able to get his/her point across.

What you need to do is set up a couple of days for single communication for each one of you. Pick a day and a time when the two of you have time to sit down together and discuss things.  Set aside 15-30 minutes.

On the first day only one person gets to talk.  He/she expresses things that are bothering him/her as well as things that make him/her happy. Here is the kicker, the other person cannot respond to anything until the next day. It is important for him/her to remain quite and listen without interruption even if he/she disagrees with what the speaking partner is saying.

Both partners let that soak in until they can sit down again.   Then it is the other partner's turn to speak openly.  Not only does this offer the quieter of the two to get his/her point across, but it helps both partners learn to listen.  

Make this a regular practice - perhaps once a week or once a month.  Do this and you will see a change in your relationship as the communication lines begin to open.

Learn to Juggle

If there is one thing you need to learn to do being in a relationship it is to juggle? Not balls or chainsaws but your schedule. Once you commit to a relationship the giving and taking begin. You now have to find time to fit things in your schedule that you might not have had to before you feel in love. The big one is spending time with your partner, this consumes a good portion of your waking and non working hours. This is when you have to start juggling the thing you would have normally done before you were in this relationship. Things like going out with friends, playing golf, going shopping just to name a few. These things might have to be combined with time spend with your partner to get them all in. One of the things I find challenging in a relationship is your time spent watching television. I don't watch a lot but there are a few things I love to view, the problem lies in juggling this. For instance on Monday night I like to watch the monday night football game while my partners favorite show is on at the same time, sounds like a problem, huh? Well here is where we both juggle, my football game usually last longer than her show so we watch hers but on commercials we flip to the game to watch a few minutes here and there and check the score. Once her show is over she sits and watches the rest of the football game with me. The problem isn't solved but it has be juggled to make the best of the situation. Now maybe you understand why I think being able to juggle is important in a relationship.

Don't judge sexual past.

One of the biggest mistakes I think couples make is letting each other know to much about their past relations. Besides when you decide to be fluid bonded with a person or want to have children the sexual past of the other person shouldn't matter. What is their to gain by knowing who your partner had sexual relations with before you. It only adds for conflicts during your relationship if you encounter these people. Unless you are childhood sweethearts that never dated anyone else chances are pretty good that your partner has had sex with someone else before they were involved with you. That doesn't make them love you any less or make them desire that person over you, it just means it was a learning process. Do not press your partner for past details of his/her sexual past and don't ever compare your current sexual experiences to those you have had in the past. Everyone is different and part of the fun of being in a relationship is learning what each other enjoys. You have to understand that your partner didn't start living the minute the two of your met. Past relationships have no bearing on your current one unless you let it. Keep you sexual past to yourself and don't expect your partner to share it with you, if you let them these past sexual experiences will haunt you and make your current relationship a struggle.

A little date humor for you.

Make sure you have everything in place for a romantic date. However when using candles make sure they don't get to close to anthing that might cause a problem. Watch this video for a good little chuckle. I will be back tomorrow with another great realtionship ides.