The Ego of a couple

This couple only looks like their relationship is cold. However their couples ego is warm as could be.

We all have an ego all of our own. Be it arrogant or not we all have to deal with it from time to time. My question is however do we have a ego as a couple? Do we see our relationship as different from other peoples be it better or worse. If we do have an ego on our relationship, how do we handle it together. Is it one specific ego that forms from our union or is it a combination of both of our personal egos? We all have the image of a perfect relationship and sometimes we pick a couple that we feel is the ideal couple to base that feeling on. Have you ever left a place and said to each other "Wow they are a great couple" thinking that they have it all together. However we don't know how the respond to each other when they are alone. On the surface they might seem like the couple of amazing relationships but it could all be a front. Their couples ego might be that they have to act like the most amazing couple in front of others. But, when they get behind closed doors it might be quite the opposite. I am sure that you have had contact with a couple that seems like out of the blue they are getting divorced. It shocks you and you think, "Wow they were a really happy couple" but maybe you were just baffled by their couples ego or the image it put forth. I guess what I am trying to tell you is to not let your relationship ego get disillusioned by what you view as the great relationship. Work from the stand point of making your relationship the best it can be for the two of you and let the other relationship egos fend for themselves.

Take advantage of time apart.

There are times when you and your partner will have to spend some nights apart. Be it work, children commitments, or just functions they are attending you will have to break apart. This might not be hard for some couples. However, some people have trouble sleeping when their partner is not in bed with them, or they seem lost and don't know what to do for sure. If you are one of these people that your life revolves around your relationship then you need to prepare for nights apart. Save things you need to get done for you times apart, rent movies you have wanted to watch that your partner might not enjoy, catch up with some old friends, anything you can think of to keep your mind off the time. By doing this you will soon find that the time has passed and you are ready for bed. Another thing you might do is stay up later than normal so that you are really tired when you got to bed. This way you don't lay in bed and think about that special person that is not beside you. Remember the time will pass and use it to your advantage. Get things done so that you have time with your partner when they return. Clean the house if you have nothing else to do that will occupy a lot of time.

Standing in your partners shoes.

Have you ever wondered how your partner is thinking? Wondering how they are viewing what you are saying or how they are truly feeling about a subject. Well there is a form of meditation where you try to place yourself in this other persons position to try and feel how they view the subject you are wondering about. Two people can view the same thing in many different was. You need to listen to your partners feelings then try to meditate and put yourself in their positions knowing how they feel. You might get a better understanding of how they are viewing the subject. This doesn't say that the way you are viewing it is wrong it is just that they have a different perspective. Until you can step out of your feelings you might not ever understand theirs. Maybe you don't have to get into a deep meditation to see this? Maybe you can be objective without getting into a zen like state, if so more power to you. I suggest sitting alone in a quite space, relax yourself with breathing and motionlessness. Then visualize the person you want to understand better, then become them in your mind and look at yourself. Knowing how they tell you they feel, visualize it from their perspective while you are looking at yourself. Have them do they same if they are open to it and maybe you both will realize that neither of your is wrong and both of you are right. Funny that is how opinions work, yet without stepping out of our own shoes sometimes it is hard to swallow.

Are you good to lean on during troubled times?

Part of being in a relationship is being there for you partner when they need you. Do you offer support and encouragement for them when things are bothering them? If not you need to step back and take a look at this today. Don't ignore even a little problem you partner has if nothing else listening will help. Avoid saying things like that is silly or anything that would belittle their concerns. If you do feel like they are wrong in their thinking try to get them to look at it in a different angle. Put a twist on it so that they can see the other side of the situation. With some good communication skills you will be the rock in your relationship. This will also open up the lines of other communication that is so important in a relationship. If you partner feels they can't be comfortable telling you their concerns then you are shutting down an important part of your relationship. Open you ears and listen totally before you make any suggestion or solutions, sometimes the answer will present itself once they speak their mind.

Gifts?

I had a reader respond that they were a little miffed with their husband and the gifts they he purchases for her for their anniversary, birthday, and Christmas. Her concern was that she got things that were useful instead of things that were sentimental. I hate to generalize because everyone is different but most men like getting things that they will use such as sports equipment, tools, or electronic devices. This flows over into their own gift giving ideas, while you think a sweeper would be a horrible gift, in the typical man's mind a new sweeper would be great as it would help get things done better and faster. Men don't on the surface think about how sentimental gifts can be. Plus they don't listen very well when you are dropping hints. If you say "Oh I like that" as you pass something in the mall, he thinks you just kinda like the item and doesn't store it into his memory bank. Women if you want your man to really know what you like you need to be very straight forward. Lead them over to the item and make them look at it with you for a while, then say "That would make a lovely gift, I would love to have it someday" Now you man will store that as a direct gift to give you. Ladies watch how your man looks at things he wants to have, it is very clear when he wants something, you have to be that straight forward with him. Once you get him thinking about getting you presents that don't have a purpose then you might begin to see him branch out and start doing a better job of pick out presents on his own. One last note, when you do get something that you truly want, make a big deal about it, cry, jump up and down, hug and kiss him with passion because those are images he wants you to do when he gives you a gift. This will make sure the next time he goes out to get you a present, he will be looking for one that gets the same reaction. If a vacuum is what you really want however try to contain yourself when you open it because if you go crazy, you might just get a new model of vacuum every year.

Shared Thinking

Sometimes in your relationship you have to find common ground. Why not start this out from the beginning by sharing your thinking. Anything that you might want to accomplish will benefit from the two of you putting your heads together to find the best ideas. Even something as simple as finding a place to eat. If both of your offer your ideas maybe you can find a place that caters to both. Say she wants seafood and he wants steak, I am sure you can find a place to eat that offers both. Same thing for all the things you do. Painting your house, remodeling, finding the right house. If you share your thinking you can usually satisfy both partners in a relationship.