Don't forget to set time aside for your love.

Do you have those days where you just collapse into bed? You have spent all day taking and running the kids around, working, doing laundry, etc, etc, etc. Yet the one thing you have forgotten is one of the most important things in your life. That is your relationship! You have spent all you energy doing the other things in life and now you have no time or energy for your relationship. This is when you have to dig deep and find the energy to give to your partner. They deserve it and you know it but it is hard when you are ready to just relax. I suggest that you start thinking about saving some energy through out the day to save for your partner. Think of yourself as having a battery and just sit down and store away some charge for your partner later. Your relationship will benefit greatly if you have time to converse under the stars or talk while laying in bed, or even have a little physical encounter that lets you both sleep with a smile on your face. Don't wait until it is convenient for put time into your relationship you need to do it every single day. Take 15 minutes or so and just sit and store some of your energy up and tell yourself, "That is for my relationship later"

Do chores together.

Want to spend more time together and less time doing chores? Make them a thing to do together. Spend time talking while washing dishes or chatting while you sort the clothes. Not only will you spend your time together the chores will get done a lot faster. Apply this technique to all your chores and soon you will not only be getting them done in record time. You will be becoming better friends in the process. Now you have more time for more romance and love time. This is a win win win situation for the two of you.

What to talk about.

One great thing about being in a special relationship is that you always have someone to talk to. What happens when you just don't have anything to talk about. Maybe you have been together so much that you just can't think of anything interesting to say. You can talk about work or the children, but maybe you want a little deeper conversation. You want to tap into your partner deeper feeling about life in general, but how? What we do when we need to find some interesting conversation is get out some of our old board games and use the questions. Any trivia style game or situation game will do. Just take the cards and find a comfortable place to fire questions back and forth to each other. One of my favorites for this is a game called "Loaded Questions" it is basically just simple questions to ask each other there are not right or wrong answers but they let you know where your partner stands. Another game very similar is Table Conversations, or What Would you Do. Actually I have through out all the boards and spinners to these games and just have kept the questions. I have them quickly on hand for times when we have alone time so that we have plenty to talk about always.

Discuss bad dreams.

We all have bad dreams from time to time. They might even be bad about your relationship. The first thing you need to remember is that these are only dreams and they might have deeper meanings then just the surface meaning. I feel it is important to discuss these dreams with your partner so that you see they are not real. Dreams can be funny things they can give a glimpse into what is going on in our lives. However you can't dwell on them if something bad happens but they should make you aware of your life a little more. Maybe, just maybe you dream is trying to tell you something. If it is about your partner maybe your not giving them enough attention or that you have had negative feelings. Again I feel it is important to discuss these dreams with your partner and get clear on them.

Learn to talk a little dirty.

Deep inside our brains we all like a little dirty talk. Either in the throws of passion or as foreplay this dirty talk can take us to a higher level in our sex life. Even the most reserved person can become a dirty talker with a little practice. First you have to learn your style, are you the demanding dirty talker. Demanders bark out instructions using the most vivid words. You could be the screamer where you throw out dirty words as you orgasm. Maybe your the shy one that likes to send your dirty talk via text messages or email. No matter what your style dirty talk can enhance your relationship. Ladies you have the upper hand at this, while for guys we need to be a little more reserved. Guys blurting out dirty words out of the bedroom might seem a little abusive however it is quite different if the lady comes out and asks for her partner to put their face between her boobs. I have found a great web site to help you learn to talk dirty and give you several phrases you might want to use sometime. The link is posted below. Good luck and happy dirty talking.

Drity Talk 101

Have your own special place.

Being a couple it is important to have a space all to yourselves. Sure you bedroom is a great start but that is what everyone has. What I am talking about is a place the two of you can go to talk and just be together with not much distraction. We use our deck in the summer time, sitting out late at night after the kids are asleep, maybe have a glass of wine or a drink. The magical part of this is it gives us a chance to talk just between the two of use. No one else enters this little sanctuary of ours. We might snuggle up under blankets or touch feet on a warm summer night. The conversation is the great part we try to stay away from the normal everyday troubles and let our minds wander. Getting into deep conversations. Find your place to do this with you partner, it might be your deck or a park somewhere, you could even just take a walk together. This breeds your relationship making it stronger and stronger. As busy as our lives get we always need to make sure to time for each other, intimately and intellectually.

Talk dirty sometimes

We all know that some people like to talk dirty during the throws of passion. It is perfectly normal and accepted. On occasion however, you can bring it out of the bedroom for it's shock value. I don't condone using it casually but at certain times it can be a really effective tool in getting what you want. For instance if you partner is watching sports most likely into the game and not much will get their attention. Now if you walk up and whisper in their ear "Will you please come F**K me" I am sure you will draw their attention away from whatever they are watching. You don't even have to speak the word to make them effective. Say you out at dinner and you find your partner looking very attractive, carefully scribble on a napkin some naughty words and slip it to them across the table. You might see them searching for the waiter to get the check as quickly as possible. Don't use this method to often, as it will lose it's appeal if you go the well to many times. Have fun with it and I am sure you partner will appreciate it, also.

Invite her friends over to watch the game!

You know it is so easy to invite your friends over to watch the football game or any other sporting event. You just call them up and the will be there with beer under their arm. Have you ever thought to invite you wife or girlfriends friends over? This would be a great show of togetherness. This way that special woman in your life doesn’t just have to listen to your chest bumping friends. Next time you are planning to have the guys over ask her if she would like to invite some of her friends over and make it a little party. This way if your partner is not into the game they will have something to do or someone to talk to. One word of caution however don’t start letting your friends ogle over hers make it clear to them this is not an attempt to fix anyone up. If she agrees to this make sure you have items both sets of friends will enjoy snacking on and drinking. Cans of Beer and chips are not usually the ladies first choice. This might also get your partner to take a little more interest in sporting events if they don’t already. By making it more of a social event you might hear them saying “When is the next game?”

Moods Swings... they happen.

You know how everything is going along great and then something happens to change your partners mood. They go from being a calm loving person to a cold and harsh person. We as their partner have to understand that they cannot possibly be in a good mood all the time and these things will happen from time to time. What we need to watch is how often they are happening. If it is a daily occurrence or a lot more often then normal, we might need to do some digging. Think of things outside the house that might not be seen by you. Things that are going on a work seem to be a big cause of this discomfort in your partner. They so often want to shelter us from their problems at work, as they feel it is not our problem. When this happen you need to put your listening skills to the test. Don't offer suggestions or ways they can correct the problem unless they ask you. Listen and listen some more, most likely getting things out in the open and off their chest will help as much as anything. The last thing you want to do is try to correct them during this time as then they feel you are against them, too. The best help you can be with these problems that swing your partners mood is to listen and be the shoulder to lean on. Sure sometimes you just want your happy person back but to get them back you need to help them get through whatever is bothering them.

Don't view everyone elses life through rose colored glasses.

Have you ever said or though that you wish your life could be like someone elses? You see that happy couple in the mall and wonder what they are doing to be so happy. The parents down the street that are always walking their child in the stroller. These images give us the impression that everything in their life is perfect. They are happy eveything goes well for them and they don't have near the troubles that we do. Well you need to take off the rose colored glasses right now. I am hear to tell you that every relationship has troubles, someones elses troubles might not seem important to you but believe me, in that they feel that their troubles are important. I am sure you have heard "That you can't judge a book by it's cover" Well the same thing goes for relationships. People have a tendency to put on a front to make everyone think they are happy. I have seen many a couple that seems to be content with each other suddenly get divorced and you hear things about them you never dreamed would have happened in their relationship. The big thing to remember is every relationship is going to have some rocky parts, there is not such thing as a perfect relationship. The thing that sets good solid relationship apart is that they understand and deal with the problems better then the others. They don't let them brew up to the point of exploding. You always need to look at the thing that is making you upset from the outside, is it really important to get angry over? A partner cheating on you is a thing to get upset over but not shutting the cabinet doors or replacing the toliet paper roll, seem a little on the pickey side when you stand back and look at it.

Step back when ever you get upset and really look at the thing making your crazy. Is it just a little thing that isn't that important but just bugs you, then you need to take a different approch. Try to reason things out to make the situation better. Don't get upset just talk it out let them know it bugs you, don't throw a fit because one fit most likely will start another. Relax and understand that you partner is not perfect and you wouldn't want them to be.

Walk the Walk and Talk the Talk

It amazes me how couples treat each other. The other night we were with several other couples and I listen to one woman down grade her husband with him sitting right in front of her. Well as the night went on other couples came and went. Until it was finally just a few of us. That is when my mouth almost hit the floor. The woman who was down grading her husband in front of everyone said "I can't believe the way so and so treated her boyfriend." She went on, "I feel sorry for him, they way she talked about him" I couldn't believe my ears, this lady had done the exact same thing. So either she didn't really care about her husband or she didn't even realize what she was saying.

My point here is that you cannot have a solid relationship if you view your partner as baggage. If that is the way you feel about your relationship, then you should be wondering why you feel that way. If you really don't realize that you are doing it then hopefully someday you will step back and see it from the other perspective. Before it is to late. People's feelings are fragile and what you might say in jest can really hurt sometimes. So be careful of what you say to your mate, you might not mean anything by it but they may not see it that way.

Thanks for the picture from Flickr and RussellJSmith

Tell each other how happy you are!

Today I want you to make a point of telling each other how happy you are in your relationship. Just start blurting things out to your partner and let them take a turn at returning the list. In the middle somewhere tell them things you would like to work on and again give them time to rebuttal. It is my feelings that you should do this at least every month. Make a date of it, on a Sunday afternoon or Tuesday night plan to watch a movie together afterwards or just set a cuddle the night away.

Any way you can build communication is a plus and doing it in a positive manner like this really helps a relationship. No matter how the conversation turns always end on a positive note. After speaking your last bit make sure to hug your partner.

Enjoy Breakfast together

Today's lifestyle is so hustle and bustle. Tomorrow I want you to start you day slower. If you have to wake up early then so be it. I want the two of you to enjoy breakfast together. Both of you sit down together to start your morning on the right foot. Talk about news or interesting things that happened at work. Hold hands while you consume your breakfast. Maybe even feed each other a little taste of what you are eating. Seldom do we start the morning the way we end it and maybe it's time we do. Do something simple for breakfast or even go to a local restaurant that offers sit down breakfast. Start you day by spending it with the one you love. It might just make your work day a little more bearable.

Get a book to read at the same time!

I got a great idea from a friend of mine the other day. She told me that her and her husband had gotten the book "His Needs, Her Needs." They were reading it together at night as they lay in bed together, they would take turns reading to each other. I thought what a great idea, so that weekend my wife and I went to a near by bookstore and spent about an hour scouring the relationship aisle. We both picked a book that was meant to improve relationships. We also found a couple of question books that were titled "Do you know your husband" and "Do you know your wife." They were just simple question you filled out about your spouse noting things like what their favorite color is or what their favorite toy was as a child. I must tell you that this is very addictive. We said we were only going to do one page a night but we usually end up doing three. My only fear of this is we are going through the question book to fast and it will be done soon. So if anyone knows of any other question books like this please let me know.

These books have increased our communication tremendously. We spend the first part of the night reading our own book (we will switch when we finish) then we spend about 15 minutes saying did you know... The we fill out our questions and talk about them it is so much fun. I really look forward to it each night. Now we have found something to do in bed together that is not sleeping or well you know.......

Click on the title link to go to the amazon page with these question books on them.

Listen to what YOU say.

Sometimes in a relationship you need to step back and listen to what you say! You might ask yourself how can that help? Well sometimes we say things that don't sound like we wanted them to. We know what we are thinking but our partner hears something else. You can make a world of difference in you relationship by avoiding things that might be construed in other manners. For example if you are criticizing anything your partner does you have to be very carefull not to use the wrong words that might give the wrong impression. For example if your parnter cooks you dinner and you don't like the food you might say "This tastes awful" instead what you might say is "You know I really don't care much for the flavor of this". Two simple phrases that basically mean the same thing but have a much differnt result when your the person hearing them.

Shower Talk

Here's a little test in self control. Next time your partner is taking a shower, and you have the time, just slip into the bathroom, sit on the stool and talk with them. It is a big test of your self control because you know he/she is naked on the other side of the shower curtain, and you know you want to peak in on them (at least I know I want to see my wife.). Strike up a conversation about something other than your relationship; it could be about your kids, work, church, or anything other than them being naked. This exercise raises trust as your partner is naked and in a vulnerable state. You are trying to mind your Ps and Qs, and not just ripping open the shower curtain and attacking. To me this feels like when you used to talk on phone as a teenager. You were wondering what the other person was wearing or what he/she was doing at this point of day. Talk to your partner for a while, but make sure that once he/she is ready to get out of the shower and dry off you are out of the area. Give him/her some privacy. If you were in the middle of an in-depth conversation, make sure to pick it back up when he/she is finished. You can also do this activity while your partner takes a bath, shaves or grooms himself/herself in some fashion. Conversation is good for the relationship. If you can focus on the conversation when your partner is completely naked, then you have a sound foundation in your relationship. Special note: Don't try this while you are trying to be intimate. Think of intimate things to talk about during that time. Talking about your mother during sex is a real buzz kill. Focus on the task at hand in this situation. :-)