The Temperature of romance

We all have a specific temperatures that we are comfortable with be it during the day or in the evening when we are trying to sleep. We also all have temperatures that we like to make love in or snuggle at so do a little research and find the best temperatures for you and your partner. Hit the air conditioning if you partner doesn't like sweaty sex. Keep the thermostat turned down cooler in those winter months to encourage your partner to snuggle. Turn the air conditioning down to get your partner into wearing less clothes around the house. Heck you can even turn the heat up in the winter and wear you swimsuits around. Have fun with this little adjusting of the temperature. Make it hot then when you partner complains tell them "Well maybe you should have so many clothes on!" with a raised eyebrow.

Be ready to be flexible.

Being a couple is full of compromises. When you have two or more peoples lives living out of the same house then you really have to be prepared for those unexpected things that pop up. Way back when a time when you were not it a relationship you only had to worry about things that directly effected you. Now that you are in a relationship you have to worry about not only your issues but your partners as well. Not to mention if you have kids that you have to be really flexible to keep up with them. You might have made plans to go out on a date with your partner when all of the sudden your child finds out they made the spelling bee championships on the same night. Whoops, change of plans, you will now be attending the spelling bee. However, here is the kicker to keep your relationship strong you have to reschedule that evening out for the two of you. Maybe even make it later in the evening or the next night. The one thing you can to is forget about it. That puts you on the fast track of not doing anything to improve or make your relationship exciting. Compromises will arise all the time but you have to bend and twist with them to make it all work out. Because it all is important.

Use intimacy to cure the blues.

I am not a big fan of using intimacy as a reward. I don't think anyone in a serious relationship should have to complete a task or chore to receive the intimacy they deserve. Unless you are using it as a role play situation and both partners are participating. You can check out our back post on sexual payment for chores if you are interested in that.

Intimacy or sex, is one of the great mood changers in any relationship. The passion and the feeling can instantly change a persons outlook on a situation. Think about how relaxed you are after sex? You mind becomes more open and it allows you to rationalize much better. This might not work for everyone, well I believe it can work for everyone if you will open up to it. The person has to be willing to allow it to happen for it to be successful. When you see your partner hitting the blues then it is your chance to be the aggressor. Don't grab them by the hand and lead them to the bedroom saying, "You need some sex" Instead coax them into it. Touch them in a sensual manner, wear things that look good, treat them a little extra special, and snuggle up next to them. Show them that his is not only for them but for you also. You satisfaction will not only come from the intimacy but also from the knowledge that you are helping them out of their funk.

Intimacy is a great gift that we are given. We can use it to help us out or to hurt us. Helpful intimacy can allow men and women to move mountains, while hurtful intimacy only tears those mountains down.

The Labor of Love

Love comes with some many things attached to it. When we become a couple there are certain things that just fall into place. Things like sharing your time, or chores, most likely you will soon be sharing your living space with this person. These things are not easy. The transition from two single people to a couple is a hard one. You have to put in a lot of trial and error to find out what works best for the two of you. Keeping that individualism while still being in a relationship take work and sacrifice if you want it to work. Ask any couple that has been together for what you view as a long time and I am sure that they could fill your ears with tuff times they have had during their relationship. A relationship is a work in progress for ever, as you and your partner change with time your relationship will also. This means that once you think you have your relationship figured out something will change and disrupt your views again. You might be sitting there think why even bother then. Well, all you have to do is look at the benefits of the relationship to understand that. Having someone to care for you, help you out, stand up for you, be there when you need someone, someone to share experiences and memories with, intimacy, kissing, etc, etc, etc. Relationships are great but you only get out of them what you put into them. So, roll up your sleeves and get to working on that relationship of yours.

Adjusting Schedules

It would be nice if everything worked out perfectly each and every day, but only in fantasy land does that happen. In real life kids and adults get sick, cars break down, supper burns and millions of other things can happen each and every day. Being a successful couple means that you are well ready to adjust to these changes and challenges that happen each and every day. There are times, where you have to rely on your partner for the adjustments to the changes but it needs to be a 50-50 split on these overall. You can't expect you partner to always stay home with the sick child nor can you expect you partner to miss an important day of work. Balance is what you need and by inspecting and analysing the situations as the arise and seeing which of the two of you is better able to handle the challenge. Once you begin looking at these things as they happen you will be able to take them in stride without even seeming like they disrupt your day. This is just one of the great ways that being a couple is an amazing thing and why most people want to be part of a great relationship.

Encourage each other.

When you are in a relationship you have to become each others support for the relationship to thrive. We all have fears and are timid about tyring something new, looking for a new job, or even learning. Deep down inside our minds we know the thing we are striving for is a step in the right direction. We still are timid about getting out of our comfort zone, so we start popping ideas into our head things like "What if this doesn't work?" or "How could I possibly have time to take that class?" We put these fears in our mind as a defense to help us stay in the position that we are that our mind feels is comfortable. This is where our partner can be such a big help. The are not our mind and they will view the idea as what it is worth. Sure they might have some doubts but when we address them most often we see that they are the same fears we have.

This help to put things in perspective and with your partners support, it gives you all the more reason to pursue the thing you are looking to accomplish. When we become a couple we do more sharing then you realize. Sharing our fears and dreams are part of a relationship. Yes, you can both have dreams that are not the same but with extra support from a loving partner it makes it so much easier to go for it. Another great benefit is that if your partner and you are both on the same page for making a change then you get added support when you venture out to achieve your goal. You partner will understand if it puts more on their plate to do chores while you are studying or that you need a little extra time to read or go for an interview. These items not only will benefit you personally but it will benefit you both as a couple. Now, the next time your partner tells you something drastic they want to change, you need to help them figure out a way the two of you can handle this change. Then TOGETHER you can reap the benefits of this change when it happens. Sometimes you have to take some chances to get ahead, and they are scary but with the added support of your partner they don't seem quite as bad.

Moods Swings... they happen.

You know how everything is going along great and then something happens to change your partners mood. They go from being a calm loving person to a cold and harsh person. We as their partner have to understand that they cannot possibly be in a good mood all the time and these things will happen from time to time. What we need to watch is how often they are happening. If it is a daily occurrence or a lot more often then normal, we might need to do some digging. Think of things outside the house that might not be seen by you. Things that are going on a work seem to be a big cause of this discomfort in your partner. They so often want to shelter us from their problems at work, as they feel it is not our problem. When this happen you need to put your listening skills to the test. Don't offer suggestions or ways they can correct the problem unless they ask you. Listen and listen some more, most likely getting things out in the open and off their chest will help as much as anything. The last thing you want to do is try to correct them during this time as then they feel you are against them, too. The best help you can be with these problems that swing your partners mood is to listen and be the shoulder to lean on. Sure sometimes you just want your happy person back but to get them back you need to help them get through whatever is bothering them.

Charting the Monthly Cycle

Most of the ladies out there whether you are on the pill or not, have a way to track their monthly cycle. They are prepared for the event before it happens. Men, you need to take some examples from them. We need to be prepared for the monthly event also. Make your own chart and see if you can find trends that might help you out as that time of month rolls around. Track if your partner gets upset easily, or angry for no reason. Sometimes little things will set women off at this time of month. Some women might get really emotional and cry at anything and everything. By tracking this you will be much more prepared to deal with the changes then most men. Understand that it is out of their control, and that it is part of the make up of women. Once you get the cycle down and are pretty comfortable with it, you will find yourself knowing when your partner might get a little more emotional or when not to ask if you can have the guys over for a poker party. Being a couple requires that you are sensitive to each others needs and most women's make up changes a little during her period. Find things to do during her period that might make her a little more relaxed. It might be a good time to give her a massage or rub her feet, make her feel special and most importantly understand that this might be an uncomfortable and painful time for them.

Birth Control pills the good and the bad (Webmd explains if you click here)

Birth Control pills are wonderful for preventing pregnancy, however sometimes they can cause more problems then you might think. You and your partner need to be very careful when choosing birth control especially if you decide on pills. Once again they are very reliable but some of the hormones that they put into your system can cause some bad side effects. Headaches, pains, nausea, the list goes on and on. One thing that might effect your relationship is they can cause loss of libido in some women. Yes, you heard me correctly, the thing that is suppose to help you feel more comfortable about having sex could actually hinder it.

You and your partner need to monitor the effects after starting a birth control pill. Do they make you upset easier, how do you feel on a daily basis, and again how has her sex drive changed. The only problem is their is not a clear cut answer to any of this. Women love the pill as it gives them more control over their menstrual cycle and everyone reacts differently to different types of pills. So you have to make notes and see if their are any changes and might effect your relationship, when you notice some then you need to speak with your doctor. You might have to go through several different kinds to find one the works for you without having negative side effects.

You just have to do your research on the subject. Check out the Internet there are many documented cases for each type of pill as to the side effects the have caused some women. Look for similarities, but always consult your doctor on these matters. If birth control pills are effecting your relationship maybe you should look at condoms or other forms of birth control that are effective but don't change your body chemistry.

Gentlemen it is also your place to help out. Sometimes you partners needs your help in spotting these side effects. So this is a join effort and could even bring you closer together as a couple.

Plans Change!! Unfortunately

Have you ever got together as a couple and set up some great plans set in motion. Maybe you are going to have a great escapade or meet for a romantic dinner. Maybe you are just going to get busy and don't want to be interrupted. Then something happens. That throws you plans into a tizzy. It is usually something that can't be avoided. Like a sick child or parent that needs help or it could even be a work related event. None the less it makes you plans change. You know it can't be helped so why do we feel so disgusted or angry.

We take care of the situation but we never seem to get back to the plans. The evening has been thrown off and their is no getting it back. We are glad we managed to help whoever needed the help but man are we upset it happened.

Welcome to being part of a couple. This is a sign of how strong your relationship is. People with a strong relationship understand their partner has to take care of these things. I suggest when this happens both of you call for a rain check. Don't think of it as missing your opportunity just think of it as a postponement. Nothing in life ever works out perfect so we shouldn't expect it to in our relationships either.

So quite pouting and either set your event up for another day or change it a little so you can still enjoy the evening. If you partner gets called into work on a night you were going to have a romantic dinner out make an adjustment. Find out when he/she is coming home have a pizza and candles burning on the table. If you have a sexy evening planned and one of your kids gets sick as your partner cares for the child write them a sexy note explaining what you are going to do to them tomorrow. In a relationship you have to go with the flow and the flow doesn't always go the way you want it to. Lastly never get upset with your partner when these situations arise, instead thing about how great they are for doing what they are doing for other. Isn't that part of the reason you care about them?