Differing Libidos? What Can You Do?

Dr. Janelle Alex, Ph.D. and Rob Alex, M.Sc. of Sexy Challenges talked to Aaron Anderson about differing libidos in marriages today. Is you sex drive lower/higher than you sweeties? Then you should watch now! 

Aaron Anderson is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and owner of The Marriage and Family Clinic in Westminster, CO. He is the Marriage editor for The Good Men Project and also writes for several publications on the topic of marriages, families and men. In his spare time (whatever that is) he is secretly preparing to be the next renowned chef. You can find him on Twitter @MarriageDr on Facebook and on his blog The Relationship Rx giving great relationship advice without the psychobabble.

Pack your partner a love bag!

Does you partner have a commute to work? Maybe they have a long drive coming up. If this is the case then make them a little travel bag for them to have for their commute or trip. For example back this bag with their favorite healthy snacks, their favorite music and change for drinks on the trip. This little gesture will score hug point for you when your partner returns home. You can put anything in the bag they can use on their drive as long as it isn't dangerous for them. So don't back a magazine because they can't read that on the drive. Maybe a audio book or a picture you can stick by the speedometer. A special note taped to the steering wheel for them to read as they leave is another great way to show them you care. Find your own style and make your partners drive a little less stressful.

Use a long drive for deep talks.

Long drives are normally tiring and boring for everyone, especially the one doing the driving. As a couple you can help each other out by saving some deep conversations for your drive. Be it that you are going on vacation or just have a long drive ahead of you. A great conversation not only keeps the driver alert but it also makes the trip seem shorter. If you are the one not driving make sure to bring up subjects that are interesting and fun to talk about for your partner. Ask for their opinion on things and see if you can hit a passionate nerve for them to speak about. The meaning of life, desires for the future, past experiences are just a few things you can start conversations about. As you get into deep conversation the miles seem to pass quite faster and you might even reach your destination a little more refreshed then you would have imagined. If you two are alone in the car it is a great time to talk about your relationship. Don't talk about things that anger you, we don't want a fight on our drive, but the good things in your relationship. Praise your partner as you proceed on your drive. We so often don't tell our partner how good they make us feel and this is a wonderful time to do it. Touch the drivers arm or leg from time to time to give that human touch that is so important and also stimulates their feeling of being loved. Switch drivers when needed but try to keep the conversation going. Nothing makes a drive longer then when everyone is asleep and the driver has nothing to do besides focus on driving. The road becomes longer, and the driver becomes uncomfortable and itching for some human interaction. Music and food can help but it is not near as fun or exciting as that wonderful conversation the two of you could be having.

Aggressiveness!

In our relationship our love life is important. We all want our sex life to be the way we want it. What happens when both partners want to the aggressor in your sex life. How can you balance this without one person feeling like they are not getting their turn to be the hunter? This also comes into play in other areas of your relationship, when you have two dominate personalities that clash when you have to step back and let the other partner be the aggressor. First of all, this is not a situation that is hopeless, you just have to learn to take turns and let the other person have their chance to feel they are in control. If this is a problem in your sex live then you need to make some agreements to make both of you happy. I would suggest using some light bondage and taking turns being the one tied up. Get an under the bed restraining system that hides neatly under your mattress and start to enjoy when it is your turn to be aggressive. Always make sure to have your safe words in place so you can stop if the situation gets to intense. When it is your turn to be the aggressor then make sure to use it to satisfy your cravings of being in control and respect your partner when it is their turn. It might seem a little silly but using this bondage switch off might just help you in other areas of your relationship. Maybe then the two of you won't but heads so much.

You drive then I drive

If your like most couples one of your is the dominate driver. That is the person that drives most of the time you go places. It is natural and some people love to drive. Well the next time you go on a trip of even just a long drive. Make sure to bust up the driving time equally. This gives both of you change to relax and enjoy the scenery it also allows both of you to be the gopher and the conversation starter. We have a lot of great conversations driving places and most of the time they start by one of us reading about something and then discussing it. As partners we want to both be refreshed when we get to our destination so splitting the drive will allow both of us down time to sleep of just put the seat back and stretch out. We all have heard about jet lag but car lag can be just as bad.

So you can bust up the time as you like but I suggest stopping or pulling over every hour or two hours to switch drivers. Never let one person drive more than two hours at a time. They will get a stiff neck or just be a little more tense then if they would have not driven that much. Take breaks and stop to see odd things along the way. Get a copy of Weird America and find some of the topic in the book it will make your trip so much more enjoyable.

Go Test Driving. (Click here to see how to properly test drive a car)

Want a cheap form of entertainment? Go test drive cars with your partner! Yeah just go out and test drive some cars. It doesn't matter if you are serious about buying or not. Most places, at least here in Indiana, will let you drive any car on the lot with just a copy of your drivers licence. So if you don't have any money this is a great activity and a way to impress your friends. After you get out in the car make sure to drive by your friends houses. This will make them think you have purchased a new car. Make sure to roll down the window with he sticker on it. Wave and honk as you slowly curse by. Do this is several different models and you will defiantly get them thinking. Just always make sure to return the car.