Dr. Patti Britton on How Sex Changes Over Time in Relationships

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Start a Change Jar!

As a couple it is hard sometimes to fit things into your budget. Especially those things that are not necessities of life. This is why you need to start a change jar. Simply find a jar that can hold lots of coins and start chucking all your loose change into the jar. Here is the important part, stay out of the jar. Don't get into it for change for the vending machine or for other little things that would deplete your new funds. This money is to be used for frivolous things. Things such as vacations, or date night for the two of you. The moment you give in and start extracting money your special times will go right out the door with it. Plus no one counts on the change that accumulates in your pockets so it seems like free and clear money. This way you won't be feeling guilty about taking that vacation or going to that fancy restaurant on only your change. Make sure you get a big enough jar to hold all the fund and set up a savings account to hold it if your jar gets to full. You have to be tough and refuse to dip into the jar but with a little self discipline you shouldn't have to much trouble and when you are on the beach somewhere you will be glad you didn't get into it.

Don't be left behind as your partner grows.

Relationships are not cut in stone they are like trees blowing in the wind. They have to sway and chance with the directions the winds are moving. This is the reason why you need to be aware of chances in your partner. Maybe you don't understand the transition that they are making in their life but totally ignoring it will soon find you and them both wondering who the other one is. This such as new hobbies, schooling, or jobs are things that can effect a person and change them. For example if when you started dating your partner was a factory worker and then got a job as a insurance salesman they are going to chance. They will dress different they will act different. Same goes for education it can drastically change a person and if you are not prepared to learn and change with them then you might soon find each other with nothing to talk about. With nothing to talk about your relationship will soon start to wither. Even if you are comfortable with yourself you need to branch out as your partner does and never take lightly what they are getting into. When this happens your relationship will change and if you are not flexible then your relationship will break. Be ready to sway in the wind as your partner changes and enjoy the differences and dedicate yourself to learning not necessarily what they are learning but why they are growing. Grow with them not against them.

Change your time for Sex!

Do you always have sex at the same time? Are you bedtime people and that is the only time that you will make love? Well I want to suggest making a time change. Try making love at a different time of the day then normal. I like to call it vacation sex. Breaking out of your routine might make your love making a little more exciting. Plus by being open to different times you allow yourself to avoid issues that might keep you from having sex all together. When the kids are at school is a time that is seldom used for sex, but allows you the freedom of not being interrupted or having to wait for the older kids to go to bed. Also you don't have to worry about being tired or the differences in your sleeping schedules.

Morning sex is the best for some people it gives them a great start to their day. It's like getting up and doing your exercises before you shower. I would suggest this to anyone that likes to got to bed really early. The only problem with morning sex is the death breath you collect during the night but that can easily be cured with a trip to the bathroom or now they have the little portable toothbrushes that you could sit right on your headboard.

I don't care when you enjoy having your sex, night time, afternoon, morning they are all wonderful times that have their own unique positive qualities. What I want to say is don't put off having sex if the time you enjoy is not available for some reason then pretend your on vacation and have vacation sex anytime you can find.

Time for some change

Sometimes in even in a relationship we need some change. No I am not talking about looking for a new partner, I am talking about breathing some life into your relationship. Do things a little differently then you have been doing them for the past years. Switch sides that you sleep on in bed, or change chores at the house, these types of little things can make your relationship seem fresh and new. Get a new hair style, pick up a new way to exercise, or rearrange the house all of these little differences can make a world of difference in your life. Go through all you clutter and clean it out make room for new and exciting things. Get all those old pictures out of storage go through them and make a scrapbook or put them on the computer. Buy new sheets for the bed, or switch all the cabinets around not only does this make your relationship better but it will help your mind also. New positions during sex and trying new toys can bring that thrill back to your sex life. So, you see change is a very good thing it keeps our relationship fresh and exciting. Look around today and see what you can change you might just get that little spark you've been looking for.

Mood Music

We can tell a lot about the way our partner is feeling by the type of music they are listening to. It takes a little study but you will start to learn how they react to certain types of music. Is the music up tempo or slow and methodical? Is what they are listening to making them get up and dance or are they just sitting listening to the words of the song. Maybe they are listening to the blues because they are sad or down in the dumps, or they could just like the blues. You need to start cataloging what type of music they are listening to and their emotions. For instance if every time they are listening to some funky disco music they seem to be dancing around having a good time, then make a note of it. However if they are sitting listening to some country song, drinking beer and in a down in the dumps mood, make a note of it. Go as far as to write down specific songs and seem to get them pumped up or feeling good. Then the next time they are having a bad day, slip on one of those songs that made them feel good at a different time and see if it improves their mood. This is one of those simple little things you do for the person you love, get to know them and how the music effects them. They may not make the connection but you will know the real reason you put that song on for them is because you love them.

Mix things up a bit.

It is so easy to get into a routine way of doing things. We eat lunch at the same time, our alarm goes off at the same time every morning, and we go to bed at a certain time each day just to mention a few of the ways we fall into a routine. Now some thing you are not going to be able to adjust like what time you have to be at work, and other things that have certain times attached to them. However you can mix things up within your home life. Stay up late and sleep in every once in a while. By mixing up the way we do things we get our brains out of their routine, which is good for our overall health. Do things in different orders then you usually do. Have a late lunch, or an early dinner so that you can do something different during the day. Mix up the times you make love, don't fall into the trap that the only time you can make love is right before you go to bed, chance it up and do it when you wake up one day, or when the mood hits you in the afternoon. If you feel really adventurous make a lunch date to make love. Other things you can do is change the times you normally go on date, check out a movie during the day, or meet in the morning for a nice walk. Anything that you do that has a normal time of day attached to it can be moved around or altered to keep you fresh and exciting. For instance you could cook breakfast items for dinner sometime, or record your favorite shows and watch them at a more opportune time during the day. Keeping things in a more chaotic order might make everything seem different and more exciting, if you stay up late to do laundry while watching your favorite movie might make this chore exciting.

Relationship Woes

Do you have problems in your relationship? Who doesn't, but the way you handle them could make the difference between a break up and relationship to die for. When you have a problem with your partner what do you do? Do you constantly badger them to get them to change? Troubles in a relationship takes effort from both partners. Compromises must be met to keep the relationship strong and healthy. Baring anything illegal you should be prepared to make compromises to make the most of your relationship. Do you have a partner that likes to stay out late with his/her friends. Well making them quite that cold turkey will only make them resent this action. Set limits that you both can live with, if they want to go out with friends one night them make them take you for a special evening before they meet up with their friends again. This type of action says I don't want to change you but I want us to work out. Same thing if you partner wants to have intimate relationships with you more then you want. The both of you should come to an agreement and you should stick to it. If you are not willing to put effort into your problems then you are not truly giving your relationship a fair shake. It is easy to sit back and tell someone what you want them to do but you can't feel how they view it or how much it hurts them to be told that what they feel is wrong. If you need help dealing with issues their are many qualified persons available to help in your relationship, so don't be afraid to seek help that might save your relationship.

Research how scents affect your relationship

Scents are a powerful thing and you never know exactly how someone will act to a certain scent. I want to suggest you do a little research on the subject in your relationship. Get some different scented candles and have them burning with your partner comes home. Log down their mood and how they act throughout the night, then change the scent the next time. Get 7 different candles and try a different scent each day then repeat the cycle the next week. Do this for one month then look over your log book to see if you see any similarities. Maybe the smell of lavender puts your partner in a mellow mood where they just want to relax, or maybe the smell of cinnamon makes your partner a little frisky. To test your scent findings switch things up. If you partner comes home in a bad mood choose the scent that made them the most relaxed and see how they react to the scent. Do they calm down or does it have no effect. You might just find that the scents will help you set a mood for your time together. If you find a scent that makes your partner in just the mood you enjoy then you better take stock in that company and buy all the candles in that scent you can find.

What Are YOU Doing to Make Your Relationship Better?

We all want things to go our way. We want our partners to do what we need and we don't usually think it is out of the way to please us. However, when you think about it, what are you doing to make your relationship better?

Are you doing the things your partner wants?  Are you making changes to better your relationship?  Do you think that your partner is asking too much?

Well, you both might be feeling the same way, SELFISH. We can only control ourselves and if you want someone to change, you have to put the message out there and hope he/she listens. Then, you need to drop it. If you continually try to change him/her, your partner will feel unappreciated and unloved.  In fact, he/she will likely dig his/her heels in and resist any type of change even more.

So what can you do?  Change YOU first!  If you want change in your relationship, focus on yourself and let the rest fall as it will. 

Role play may just be a name chage away!

Are you happy with your name? I hear so many people say I hate my name. Well my suggestion is to change it for a day. Pick a day when you and your partner are going out of town shopping or to eat, this helps avoid confusion with people that might know you. Then on your way to your destination decide on a name you would think you enjoy having. If your partner is game pick a name for them also. Then the rest of the day you have to call each other by that name. Yes it's silly but it might just help you step out of your normal personality and allow you to act differently then you usually act. The best part about it is, unless you run into people you know, no one knows the little secret the two of you have.

You could even make it your first date, between the two new people you have become. This is where a little role play might come in to the day. Make up information about you new identity and your background. Be outrageous as you tell your new partner about silly jobs you have had or dramatic events that have shaped your life. You might just find out some wishes your partner might have but be to embarrassed to say when they are their normal self. Who knows the names might even become pet names you use for each other.

Our life's are so busy and jammed with events, sometimes it is good to step outside of ourselves and see the world through someone else's eyes. Even if they are our eyes with just a different name attached.

Surprise Chore!

If you want to get in good with your partner, do a surprise chore for them. You know one of those things you normal don't do or put off for ever. Like cleaning out the garage, or painting the house or maybe even doing some of your partners chores. To set this up you have to do it on a day where you are off work and your partner has to work. After they leave then you go into action. For example cleaning out the garage will make for a very surprised partner when they return home and put the car in the garage. You can even make it better by saying you will be doing something else that day. You could tell them you are going to the golf coarse or shopping all day. This way they will never even wonder what you are doing with your time off. Now if your partner does hit you with a surprise chore, then you must show your appreciation. A huge kiss, super dinner, or even some knock your boots off sex would be good.

If you can swing another great idea is to sneak to your partners work and take their car and get it cleaned and washed inside and out. then return it to the original spot. Maybe you can tell them you are getting their oil changed or the factory had a recall on a part. Anything so they won't be specious of you taking their car.